Usually we will be in close communication with our
families
when we are coming to the end of our lives.
The people who are closest to us will know about our health conditions
and they might already be deeply involved in our medical decisions.
If we have appointed family members to be our
proxies,
these persons will obviously be involved in any life-ending decisions.
But we might come to the end of our lives
when our only remaining family members are distant and uninvolved.
In such cases, it might be wise for us to notify them
that we are considering bringing our lives to an end.
In deciding which people we might notify,
we can think of all the people who would learn about our deaths after
the fact.
Which relatives and friends will gather for our funeral or memorial
service?
Which of these would want to know about our coming deaths ahead of time?
Any such notification will give others the
opportunity to respond
in any ways that seem appropriate to them.
Some will want to know more about the circumstances
that are leading us to consider voluntary death.
They might have some matters they want to complete with us
before we begin the final process that will bring death.
All the laws and proposed laws that mention
notifying family members
allow this to be an optional
safeguard.
If sharing the plans for death with family members is not required,
the patient might decided to keep the planned death secret.
Each person facing death should decide just whom to notify
and how much detail to share
with each relative or friend.
For example, if the patient knows in advance
that a certain family member will oppose
any and all choices of a voluntary death or a merciful death,
then that family member must be kept out of the loop,
even if this requires keeping the death-planning process secret
from a large number of family members
because some of them might disclose the plan
to the family member who opposes any chosen
death.
Likewise, if the patient who is considering a wise
choice of death
comes from a family with religious objections to choosing death,
then that patient might have to seek support from other people,
who will assist in separating any urges toward
irrational suicide
from the truly wise decision for a voluntary death or a merciful death.
When some (or all) family members must be kept out of the loop,
then all the other safeguards become even more important.
And written laws that mention notifying family
should avoid the legal term "next of kin",
because what the law defines as our next of kin
might not be the
people who are actually closest to us
as we draw our lives to a close.
We should decide for ourselves just which people to notify
of our plans to bring our lives to a peaceful end.
HOW NOTIFYING FAMILY MEMBERS
DISCOURAGES IRRATIONAL SUICIDE
AND OTHER FORMS OF PREMATURE DEATH
However, whenever a dying patient does involve
family members
at least to the extent of letting them know of the impending death
there will be meaningful opportunities for family members
to intervene to
prevent an irrational suicide.
If someone believes he or she has a disease,
a concerned relative might insist that this be confirmed by doctors
before any planning for death goes forward.
Some people have killed themselves
under the mistaken belief
that they were dying of cancer,
but an autopsy later found no cancerous cells.
Even when the patient really does have a terminal
disease,
notifying family members might result in a better last chapter of life.
It would be premature to opt for death
when some family members are willing to care for the patient
until he or she reaches a more appropriate time to die.
When family members are involved in the
death-planning process,
the whole family can consider the
best time for
death.
And the family members will not be surprised to learn of a chosen death,
which they might regard as premature
if they wanted to offer more can and support to the dying person.
Several of the other safeguards ask for the
opinions of family members.
Involving people who are close to us
does not necessarily mean that we will postpone death. If everyone agrees
that death
now is better than death
later,
then the involvement of family will make this a more meaningful death.
And the support of family-members can help the patient to choose
not only the best time to die
but also the best means.
Created March 2, 2007; revised
5-14-2008; 8-28-2008; 9-10-2008; 10-16-2008; 10-23-2008; 2-12-2010;
5-20-2010; 2-4-2012; 2-11-2012