PART I. THE DAILY SHAPE OF THE RELATIONSHIP
Where will we live?
Default answer: In traditional marriage (in the West),
the husband's domicile becomes the wife's place of residence.
He has the sole power to decide where the couple will live.
His home-state becomes her home-state for all legal purposes.
In practice, the wife usually has a major input concerning where to
But in conventional marriage, it is always assumed that they will live
Creative answers: If you are designing your own relationship,
you can be experimental to see what works best for you.
Do you like living together or does living apart suit you better?
Maybe you will find it better to maintain separate households
and to visit each other as often as you both want.
[See New Ways of Loving: How Authenticity Transforms Relationships
Chapter 11 "Living in Separate Households". See Bibliography for
Sometimes the living arrangements will depend
on jobs and schooling.
In case of conflict, does one partner automatically get priority?
Or will you shift priority from one to the other in different periods?
This could mean living in one city for the
education of one partner
and then moving when that education is completed.
If your careers conflict, you could alternate priority a few years at a
Do you prefer to live in the country or in the
Do you want to live close to relatives or away from them?
Who will make decisions about the use of the
What other persons will be permitted to visit? For how long?
Do you intend to care for aging parents at the end of their lives?
How will you settle any disagreements about housing?
If your house is owned by a commune or other group,
how will you decide to admit new people and remove older members?
How will the legal ownership of such a house be handled?
When deciding about the legal domicile of the
you might want to consider some of the following factors:
voting and running for office; local and state income taxes;
out-of-state tuition at a public college or university;
estate and inheritance taxes in different states;
different rules for marriage and divorce; and different welfare
Your choice about housing will deeply affect
other relationship choices.
24 DESIGNER MARRIAGE: WRITE YOUR OWN RELATIONSHIP
CONTRACT by James Park
have the entire Question 1 from Designer
April 4, 2009; Revised