Question 19
How will we handle two careers?

Default answer:  The man's career will always take precedence.
Because the traditional family was supported by the husband,
there was usually no question that the wife would follow him
wherever he moved to pursue his career.
And in some families this means that they will pull up roots
and move to a different location (perhaps even a different country)
as often as needed for the occupation chosen by the husband.

Creative answers:  But if the careers of both partners are equally important,
you will not automatically move to suit one partner's occupation.

     You might decide to give your careers precedence by turns:
For 5 years, you could agree to let the education of one partner
be the determining factor about where you will live.
Then for an equal period of time, the career or education choices
of the other partner might be given precedence.
In many cases, you might find a place to live that suits both of you.
And maybe you will take jobs jointly, that is, agreeing to move to a new city
only if both partners can find good jobs there.

     But if no such compromise is possible,
there should be some agreement about whose career is more important
and how that will affect your decisions as a partnership.

     Some couples have tried to have long-distance relationships,
usually for a limited period of time.

     Does each job or each career have a definite or approximate duration?
How will you resolve career conflicts?
Will each be expected to participate in social events
associated with the career of the other?

     As you begin to discuss the problems created by two careers,
you will be projecting a number of years together,
which relates to Question 6: How long will our relationship last?
What are the long-term career plans of both of you?
Look as far into the future as you can.
And discuss how you might change whatever plans you now have.
Might there come a time when a career opportunity will be so good
that it will take precedence over the continuation of your relationship?
In other words, can you imagine a future career-decision
that might bring your relationship to a conclusion
—at least in the sense of being together as frequently as in the past?

Question 19:          HOW WILL WE HANDLE TWO CAREERS?          by James Park          105

Above you have all of Question 19 from Designer Marriage.

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Designer Marriage: Write Your Own Relationship Contract

Created April 9, 2009; Revised

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