We are often confused
about our emotions of love.
This discussion will offer an extended
definition of romantic love
and a 180-question test to determine
how well our own feelings
correspond with the conventional state
of being 'in love'.
First we will distinguish
romantic love
from three other phenomena with which
it is often confused:
(1) sexual attraction,
(2) mate-selection & marriage, &
(3) familiarity.
Then we will briefly discuss the 26 features
of romantic love.
And we may answer as many of the 180
questions as we like.
OUTLINE:
26 Basic Features of Romantic Love:
A. Romantic love arises from pre-existing yearnings.
B. Romantic love begins suddenly, creating instant intimacy.
C. Romantic love is blind.
D. Romantic love is often one-sided; it loves from afar.
E. Romantic love watches for small signs of reciprocation.
F. Romantic love is often uncertain and
fearful of rejection;
it is exclusive, possessive, and jealous.
G. Romantic love is a fantasy-trip,
a prefabricated emotion projected onto others.
H. Romance creates an illusion of oneness.
I. Romantic love depends on imagination.
J. Romance is being in love with love
—attempting to actualize a feeling
learned from others.
K. Romantic love sometimes depends on manipulation.
L. Romantic love is like watching a movie.
M. Romantic love is an ecstatic feeling.
N. Romantic love is an altered state of consciousness.
O. Romantic love sees the beloved as perfect.
P. Romantic love causes violent mood-swings.
Q. Romantic love causes preoccupation and distraction.
R. Romantic love causes intrusive thinking.
S. Romantic love causes compulsive, neurotic, dependent thoughts and feelings.
T. Romantic love is an overwhelming experience.
U. Romantic love is the most important thing in life.
V. Romantic love includes suffering.
W. Near its end, romantic love clings to any shred of hope.
X. Romantic love is temporary—lasting 18 months to 3 years.
Y. When romantic love is over, it sometimes becomes hatred.
Z. Romantic love resists analysis.
DISCUSSION LEADER:
James Park is an existential
philosopher with a deep interest in love.
He is the author of the Romantic Love
Test,
which he created from the first chapter
of his book on love:
New Ways of Loving:
How Authenticity Transforms Relationships,
Chapter 1 "Romantic Love is a Hoax! Emotional
Programming to 'Fall in Love'".
Selections from the Romantic Love Test are available on the internet.
The Romantic Love Test is available as a printed tall book.
Full information about New
Ways of Loving,
including Chapter 1
Romantic Love is a Hoax! Emotional
Programming to 'Fall in Love'
Return to the LOVE page.
Return to the beginning of this home page:
An
Existential Philosopher's Museum.