Most loving relationships
begin
at the dependent end of the spectrum.
But we can grow toward relationships based
in Authenticity.
This discussion will begin by scoring
ourselves on
21 scales of growth
from the deficiency-dependent forms
of loving
to relationships based on Authenticity.
Perhaps no loving relationship
is completely based on Authenticity,
as described in the second column below,
but unless we see our goals, we will never
even begin to move.
If we stick to the need-and-deficiency
basis for loving,
we will never begin to move toward the
kinds of loving relationships
that are possible for people who are becoming
more Authentic.
OUTLINE:
All of us find ourselves
somewhere in the middle of
the following 21 scales of growth from
dependent toward Authentic.
We will rate our current relationships
and then discuss our results.
1. all-consuming 'love'. ------------------1. loving from independence.
2. lose myself in love. --------------------2. loving from wholeness.
3. submissive/dominant. ----------------3. mutual respect.
4. fear of loss. ---------------------------------4. accepting endings.
5. seeking signs of collapse. -----------5. sharing negative feelings.
6. fearing change, risk. -------------------6. enjoying growth, experiments.
7. growth stopped.-------------------------7. stimulates continued growth.
8. don't really feel close. -----------------8. sharing on many levels.
9. tumult & melodrama. ------------------9. calm communication.
10 . expecting fair return. ---------------10. without expectations.
11. changing the other. -------------------11. accept each other.
12. love completes me. ---------------------12. complete within ourselves.
13. love solves my problems. ------------13. solve our own problems.
14. expect unconditional love. ---------14. love accepted as a gift.
15. "I don't need you!" ----------------------15. non-manipulative love.
16. love provides value. ---------------------16. value within ourselves.
17. worry about abandonment. --------17. trust ourselves and each other.
18. negative feeling from past. ----------18. realistic evaluation.
19. fear of closeness. --------------------------19. accept closeness.
20. take care of other's feelings. --------20. care of our own feelings.
21. control the beloved. ---------------------21. loving in freedom.
James Park is an existential
philosopher.
This presentation and discussion is based
on a tall book entitled
"Growing
in Love:
21
Ways to Become Less Dependent and More Authentic".
And the thought is based more broadly on his most popular book:
New Ways of Loving: How Authenticity Transforms Relationships.
This sermon presented
at the
Dakota
Unitarian Universalist Church
in Eagan, Minnesota, Sunday, October 4,
1998.
Back to Top 40 Sermon Subjects by James Park.
Back to UNITARIAN UNIVERSALISM PAGE.
Back to the beginning of this home page:
An
Existential Philosopher's Home Page.