Jealousy arises in 'loving'
relationships
because of three factors:
comparison, competition, and the fear of being
replaced.
If we become more autonomous and self-creating,
these three features of relationships become less
significant
and hence the passion of jealousy becomes less
likely.
However, within ordinary,
possessive
relationships, jealousy is normal:
If we find ourselves replaced, supplanted,
traded-in
for a better model,
we naturally feel a tremendous sense of loss,
anger,
grief, and betrayal.
This bitter feeling of hurt
and
hostility we call "jealousy"
can become one of the most powerful obsessions
of human life.
And yet, this emotion is a social product—with
deep cultural roots.
If we have learned how to feel jealous,
can we unlearn this response?
If we are loved for the
unique
persons we are becoming,
then comparison with rivals diminishes.
And when we are no longer in competition with other
women or men,
we become less vulnerable to feeling jealous.
If we become irreplaceable in our relationships,
then jealousy disappears.
Thus the basic way to prevent
jealousy
is to become unique and irreplaceable persons.
And becoming more Authentic may be the best way
to transcend the threat of being replaced by
potential
rivals.
OUTLINE:
I. WHEN LOVE IS COMPETITIVE, JEALOUSY IS INEVITABLE
II. PREVENTING JEALOUSY BY BECOMING IRREPLACEABLE
A. Replaceability—Being Better Means Being the Same.
B. How We Might Become Singular and Irreplaceable.III. AUTHENTIC LOVE EMERGES FROM SINGULARITY
IV. THE DYNAMICS OF JEALOUSY
A. Which Long-Distance Service Will He Use?
B. Jealousy is More than Mere Loss of Love.
C. The Comparison Game.
D. Sexual Jealousy.V. WHAT TO DO ABOUT JEALOUSY
James Park is an existential
philosopher.
This talk is based on a chapter called "Loving
without Jealousy:
As
We Become More Authentic, Jealousy Disappears"
from his most popular book New
Ways of Loving:
How
Authenticity Transforms Relationships.
Several other helpful books will be found on the
Jealousy
Bibliography.
Return to Top 40 Sermon Subjects by James Park.
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home page:
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Existential Philosopher's Museum.