How can we
transcend
our romantic delusions and fantasy feelings
and build our loving relationships on
reality?
Romantic love may
be
the most pervasive myth of Western culture.
Romance is a cultural invention,
not a natural phenomenon.
We have been so deeply indoctrinated
into the romantic myth
that we have no awareness of the process
of emotional programming
that created our romantic responses.
Popular culture is the main way we learn
how to 'fall in love'.
Movies, television, popular songs,
novels,
and magazines
all train our feelings into the
wonderful delusion of romance.
Our romantic games
would be harmless if everyone knew
that romantic love is a fantasy feeling.
But while still under the influence of
romantic illusions,
some people make the life-altering
mistake
of getting married.
We may be wary of every form of political
or religious mythology,
but what about the most potentially
harmful
myth—romantic love?
Religious
indoctrination
demonstrates emotional programming.
Is 'being saved' the religious equivalent
of 'falling in love'?
We are taught what emotions to
expect—then
we try to create them.
If romantic love is
a hoax, what should we do?
Real information can replace romantic
illusions.
We can love on the basis of who we
choose to be
rather than trying to reproduce romance
as seen on television.
OUTLINE:
I. Romantic Love was Invented 800 Years Ago by the French Troubadours.
II. 'Falling in Love' as Temporary Insanity.
III. Love & Marriage: Fantasy & Facts.
IV. How Did We Learn the Romantic Response?
V. Emotional Programming: Romantic & Religious.
VI. Good-bye to Illusions, Hello to Reality.
James Park is an
existential
philosopher
with a deep interest in the dynamics
of love.
The first chapter of his most popular
book
—New Ways of
Loving: How Authenticity Transforms Relationships—
is called "Romantic Love is a Hoax!
Emotional Programming to 'Fall in Love'".
This chapter forms the background for
this talk.
Full information
about
New
Ways of Loving will appear
if you click this title:
New
Ways of Loving: How Authenticity Transforms Relationships
If you would like
to
measure your own level of romance,
you might want to take
The
Romantic Love Test: How Do We Know If We Are in Love?
This 180-question test divides the
phenomenon
of romantic love
into 26 manifestations (the A-Z of
romantic
love).
If you want to read
more books critical of romantic love,
see the Romantic
Love Bibliography.
Return to the LOVE PAGE.
Return to the beginning of this home page:
An Existential
Philosopher's
Museum