4. Transcending Our Sex-Scripts.
Another possibility easily confused with
changing one’s fantasies
is transcending one’s sex-scripts, as described more fully in Chapter
Briefly, this means that we are able to leave behind
our earlier sexuality, which was governed by our sex-scripts,
and have it replaced by a sexual bond with a particular person.
Whereas we were once ‘turned on’ by the
‘plumage’ of the other,
we discover it is better to connect with the core of the other person.
Thus, instead of being drawn by sexual characteristics of the
we transcend that automatic, imprinted response
and replace it with a special sexual bond with a particular person.
And we might discover that this sexual bonding is much more powerful
than the impersonal sexual fantasies it replaces.
If such a shift has actually occurred,
our dreams might also shift from role sexuality to real sexuality:
No longer is the erotic object a generic sexual type,
but our dreams feature the specific person whom we love.
The generic men or women of former dreams are gone,
replaced by images that are clearly the specific person
with whom we have created a unique loving relationship.
We used to be sexually aroused by abstract
signs of sex.
For the purposes of sexual interest, arousal, & orgasm,
any person with the desired sexual traits would do.
But if we transcend such ‘generic sexuality’,
we find that our sexual responses shift away from
the abstract ideas, images, & feelings
we had before we set out to find ‘someone to love’.
Instead, we respond to the uniqueness of one specific person.
When a unique loving relationship emerges, no other person will do
—even if the new person possesses powerful sexual attraction—
because our sexuality has been re-tuned for one specific person.
Sometimes a man with a homosexual sex-script
reports being ‘cured’ by a woman—often his wife.
What might have happened is that relationships based in role sexuality
(contacts arising out of his homosexual sex-script)
have been transcended and replaced by a real sexual relationship
(an on-going love with a particular person—his wife).
He has created an intimate sexual bond with a particular person
while his impersonal sex-scripts remain predominantly homosexual.
In other words, a particular loving relationship
replaces less personal sexual relationships based on sex-scripts.
The man responds to this particular woman is a non-generic way.
And his new orgasms always arise
because he is having sex with this specific person he loves.
He still has abstract, generic sexual fantasies featuring other men.
And occasionally he might revert to homosexual behavior.
But his new specific sexuality features only his wife.
A lesbian might also transcend her homosexual
if she develops a unique sexual relationship with a specific man,
which becomes more powerful than her generic sexual responses to women.
Of course, it is also possible to create
a non-generic relationship with a member of one’s own sex.
In such a situation one’s imprinted sex-script
would not be at odds with the particular sexual relationship.
For example, a lesbian might move beyond
a phase of her life in which she mainly responded to other women
because they excited her imprinted lesbian sexual fantasies.
She might experience a unique sexual relationship with a particular
that is so powerful and meaningful
that she is no longer interested in new women,
even tho they still appeal to her imprinted sexual responses.
In a similar way, men and women with
can transcend them if they develop specific, personal relationships
in which their new sexual interests, arousal, & orgasms
are all in response to a particular person—the beloved.
Our original sex-scripts always remain inside
Maybe our dreams will still depict generic sex with bodily types.
And strangers might still spark our old sexual-interest scripts
when we meet people who correspond to our imprinted expectations.
For instance, if breasts or penises are imprinted in our minds,
we will probably always find them sexually interesting,
even tho we do not act on this imprinted
But if we now respond sexually to a specific
we need no longer respond to generic men or women
—‘types’ who trigger our imprinted sexual fantasies.
And if we fully transcended our sex-scripts,
we no longer wish to have sex with an ‘ideal sex-partner’.
We are no longer ‘turned on’ by the generic image
imprinted in our brains at an early age.
106 IMPRINTED SEXUAL
FANTASIES: A NEW KEY FOR
SEXOLOGY by JAMES PARK
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Fantasies: A New Key for Sexology by James Park.
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April 12, 2008; Revised