New
Ways of Loving :
How Authenticity
Transforms Relationships
Short course
description:
Explore new perspectives
for creating
more open, free, & growing relationships.
In five sessions we will explore 8 themes:
The first session introduces the people to one another
and all of the themes for this seminar.
(1) recovering
from romantic illusions;
(2)
becoming more Authentic;
(3) maintaining
freedom in love;
(4) transcending
pre-existing needs;
(5) preventing jealousy by becoming unique;
(6) becoming open to loving more than one person;
(7) reinventing sex;
(8) outgrowing conventional masculinity and
femininity.
Our
resource for
this seminar will be New
Ways of Loving
by James Park, these 8 chapters available in
class for $10.
Or you can buy the complete book in the sixth edition, 2007, for $35.
James Park is an
existential philosopher and
the leader of this seminar.
One-page course
description:
New Ways
of Loving :
How Authenticity
Transforms Relationships
This fresh look at loving
relationships
challenges many long-accepted notions about
love.
Do you agree with these new perspectives?
1. Romantic love is a cultural
invention,
not a natural phenomenon.
2. Our loving
relationships improve as we become
more autonomous.
3. Love is best when it
arises from free choice
rather than
from preconceived patterns, expectations, &
obligations.
4. When the purpose of
love is the satisfaction
of pre-existing needs,
the relationship is likely to become possessive,
using, & jealous.
5. Jealousy is a
learned emotion (based
on comparison,
competition, and the fear of being replaced),
but we can
transcend it by becoming more Authentic
(singular, irreplaceable).
6. If we are immune to
jealousy, we can love
more than one person.
7. Our imprinted
sexual responses deeply
affect our relationships.
8. We will love better
if we move
beyond our original gender-personalities.
After the introductory session, for each of the next four weeks,
we will discuss two chapters from
New
Ways of Loving: How Authenticity Transforms Relationships
.
I. From Romantic
Illusions to Authentic Loving
Ch. 1 Romantic
Love is a Hoax!
Emotional
Programming to 'Fall in Love'
Ch. 2 Loving
from Authenticity
II. Loving Freely
without Needing
Ch. 3 Loving
in Freedom:
Choice & Flexibility instead of Security & Obligation
Ch. 4 Loving
without Needing
:
Seven Pre-Existing Needs and How to Transcend Them
III. Multiple Loving
without Jealousy
Ch. 5 Loving
without Jealousy
:
As We Become More Authentic, Jealousy Disappears
Ch. 6 Multiple
Loving
:
Open
Relationships Beyond Jealousy
IV. Loving Beyond
Sex-Scripts & Gender-Personalities
Ch. 7 Loving
Beyond Sex
:
Transcending Our Imprinted Sex-Scripts
Ch. 8 Masculinity/Femininity
:
Loving Beyond Our Gender-Personalities
These 8 chapters cost
$10.00—available at the first
meeting.
Or you can buy
the whole book in the sixth edition—2007—for $35.
James Park is an existential philosopher and
author of the text.
PLACE: (where would be
best for you?)
DATE & TIME: (when would be best for you?)
FEE: FREE OF CHARGE (unless the meeting room
costs something)
This seminar as offered by the Experimental College of theTwin Cities
(EXCO):
NEW
WAYS OF LOVING:
HOW
AUTHENTICITY TRANFORMS RELATIONSHIPS
This class is now listed
by the Experimental College of the Twin Cities (EXCO):
http://www.EXCOtc.org
If you live in Minneapolis or St. Paul (or any near-by community)
and if you have any opinion about where and when to offer this class,
put yourself on the e-mailing list for New Ways of Loving.
The details of place and time will be worked out
by means of this e-mail group.
The first class began in March 2009.
The next class is scheduled for October and November of 2009.
This class is not a lecture series, since
the
printed book is better
at presenting these new perspectives on loving relationships.
Rather, we have maximum
discussion among the people
who choose to join this group of about 15 men and women.
How might YOU decide to join the next quest for new
ways of loving?
First you look
inside the book as deeply as you wish.
More than 60 pages of the text are available on the Internet.
As you read about romance, jealousy, sex, etc.,
does your mind lighting up?
Are some of the problems of your past relationships illuminated?
Do you want to meet other intelligent, creative
people
who are ready to overturn the cultural traditions of love that do not
work?
The Introduction
to New Ways of Loving briefly describes
how the old ways of loving are transcended
as we become more Authentic.
And if you hope that becoming more Authentic will
improve your relationships,
this seminar might become one place to encounter others
in a similar process of reinventing themselves.
When this self-selection process works well,
deep conversation about loving relationships emerges.
What self-selected group of people will next be drawn together around
this book?
Put yourself on the EXCO e-mailing list for New Ways of Loving
if you might be ready to enter the next phase of your love-life.
Some special options
for purchasing copies of New Ways
of Loving
have been developed for EXCO participants.
And here is a picture of some of the people in the March 2009 class,
some holding copies of New
Ways of Loving.
Syllabus for distant
learners:
Reading New Ways of Loving at Home
If
you cannot attend a New
Ways of Loving class,
you can design your own study program.
Besides reading New
Ways of Loving itself (the text for this course),
you might decide to delve more deeply into any
of the themes
by reading other books reviewed in Love Bibliographies,
which are linked below.
Distant learners have the option of exploring
the following
five additional themes not usually included in the face-to-face
EXCO class:
9. Having children
should be a choice
rather than an assumption.
10. It is possible to
have wonderful loving relationships
without getting married.
11. Some relationships
are improved if the lovers
do
not live together.
12. Relationship
journals can improve
communication.
13. Love will be
liberated if we transcend
existential loneliness and depression.
The
following 13 themes are
the same as the 13 chapters of
New
Ways of Loving: How Authenticity Transforms Relationships
.
Distant learners do not need to follow the order
of the book.
You can begin your independent study with any
theme.
When responding by e-mail,
please separate your comments into the following
themes,
using the numbers of the chapters,
so that your comments and questions
can be linked from the chapters below,
with responses from the author.
See number 7 under romantic love
for the first example of such on-line dialogue.
Chapter
1 Romantic Love is a Hoax!
Emotional
Programming to 'Fall in Love'.
What is romantic love? Where did it come
from?
Where does it go? Is it a fantasy that
does more harm than good?
Resources:
1. Romantic
Love Bibliography—The
Best Critical Books
.
2. The
Romantic Love Test: How Do We Know If We Are in Love?
This test includes what is perhaps the
first explicit definition of romantic love
—in
the form of 26 defining features of the phenomenon: the A-Z of romance.
3. Outline
of a presentation on The Romantic Love Test
.
4. Outline
of a presentation unpacking the dynamics of romantic love
.
5. The first page of
Chapter 1 of New
Ways of Loving:
"Romantic
Love
is a Hoax! Emotional Programming to 'Fall in Love'"
.
6. An electronic
magazine article summarizing
this chapter:
"Romantic
Love is a Hoax! Emotional Programming to 'Fall in Love' "
7. When Was
Romantic Love Invented?
This is an on-line discussion in Questions-&-Answer format
exploring the historical origin of romantic love.
8. The Romantic Love
Portal
This portal collects many Internet resources
critical of the myth of romantic love.
Chapter
2 Loving from Authenticity.
Moving from conformity toward greater
Authenticity.
The impact of Authentic Existence on
loving relationships,
which is the trust of the rest of the book.
Resources:
1. Authenticity
Bibliography
.
2. Outline of a
presentation entitled
"Becoming
More Authentic: The Positive Side of Existentialism".
3. Course description
for another course
called
"Becoming
More Authentic: The Positive Side of Existentialism"
4. Authenticity Test
(embedded in the
first two chapters of
Becoming
More Authentic: The Positive
Side of Existentialism
by James Park).
5. The table of
contents of Becoming
More Authentic,
which will lead you to the first pages
of several chapters of that book.
6. The first pages of
Chapter 2 of New
Ways of Loving:
"Loving
from Authenticity"
.
Chapter
3 Loving in Freedom:
Choice
& Flexibility instead of Security & Obligation.
Are freedom and commitment necessarily
at odds?
To what degree have we used love as
a means of security?
What part does duty and obligation
play in our relationships?
Resources:
1. The first page of
Chapter 3 of New
Ways of Loving:
"Loving
in Freedom: Choice & Flexibility instead of Security &
Obligation"
.
2. A cyber-sermon based
on this chapter:
Loving in
Freedom .
Chapter
4 Loving without Needing:
Seven
Pre-Existing Needs and How to Transcend Them.
Is love always based on pre-existing
needs?
Can we satisfy our own needs instead
of using others?
What needs are people usually trying
to fulfill in their relationships?
Might we be able to transcend our prior
needs?
Is it possible to love without clinging?
Resources:
1. Outline
for a presentation on prior needs as a basis for love
.
2. Outline for a
presentation called
"Growing
in Love: Becoming Less Dependent and More Authentic in 21 Ways"
.
3. A small book
exploring all forms of
dependency:
Growing
in Love: 21 Ways to Become Less
Dependent & More Authentic
.
4. The first page of
Chapter 4 of New
Ways of Loving:
"Loving
without Needing:
Seven
Pre-Existing Needs and How to Transcend Them"
Chapter
5 Loving without Jealousy:
As
We Become More Authentic, Jealousy Disappears.
How natural is the feeling of jealousy?
What are the root causes of jealousy?
Does becoming more Authentic move us
beyond the fear of being replaced?
Resources:
1. Jealousy—The
Best Books
.
2. Outline of a
presentation called "Romantic
Jealousy: Cause and Prevention"
.
3. The first six pages of
Chapter 5 of New
Ways of Loving:
"Loving
without Jealousy:
As
We Become More Authentic, Jealousy Disappears"
.
4. A three-page on-line
article on jealousy:
Romantic
Jealousy: Cause and Prevention
.
5. Resources for
Dealing with Jealousy
An internet portal about romantic jealousy.
Chapter
6 Multiple Loving:
Open
Relationships Beyond Jealousy.
For most people, open relationships lead
to jealousy.
But if we have become immune
to jealousy,
what do we think and feel about loving
more than one person at a time?
Resources:
1. Multiple
Loving Bibliography
.
2. The first pages of
Chapter 6 of New
Ways of Loving:
"Multiple
Loving: Open Relationships Beyond Jealousy"
.
Chapter
7 Loving Beyond Sex:
Transcending
Our Imprinted Sex-Scripts.
Where did our sexual fantasies come from?
How have our imprinted responses affected
our relationships?
In what ways does sex help or hinder
loving relationships?
Resources:
1. The
Sex-Script Hypothesis—The
Best Books
.
2. Imprinted Sexual Fantasies:
A New Key for Sexology
This is another book by James Park.
Available on the Internet:
Outline
for Imprinted Sexual Fantasies (4 pages).
Synopses
of the 11 chapters (one page for each chapter).
This book is available by mail-order from the publisher: Existential
Books.
A much shorter version of the same ideas
will be found in the chapter on sex from New
Ways of Loving,
which is resource # 5 below.
3. Outline of a
presentation entitled
"The
Sex-Script Hypothesis: Imprinted Sexual Fantasies"
.
4. Outline for a
presentation entitled
"Variations
of Sex and Gender: Six Phenomena Frequently Confused"
.
5. The first pages of
Chapter 7 of New
Ways of Loving:
"Loving
Beyond Sex: Transcending Our Imprinted Sex-Scripts"
.
6. A cyber-sermon
explaining
the concept of sex-scripts:
Sources
of Sexual Fantasies
.
Chapter
8 Masculinity/Femininity:
Loving
Beyond Our Gender-Personalities.
What should we do about our original
gender-personalities?
Resources:
1. Gender—The
Best Books
.
2. Outline
of a presentation exploring the dynamics of gender
.
3. The first page of
Chapter 8 of New
Ways of Loving:
"Masculinity/Femininity:
Loving Beyond Our Gender-Personalities"
.
Chapter
9 Why Have (More) Children?
We now have the power to control our
reproduction.
What are our basic reasons for
and against having (more) children?
What part should reason
play in
human reproduction?
Resources:
1. The
Decision to Have Children—The
Best Books
.
2. The first page of
Chapter 9 of New
Ways of Loving:
"Why
Have (More) Children?"
. This page lists
about 30 reasons for
having children
and about 10 reasons against.
Chapter
10 Loving without Marrying.
Do we decide to get marriage or
do we just assume it?
Twelve common causes of wedlock.
What is the future of marriage in our
culture?
The pros and cons of the married life-style.
Resources:
1. Traditional
Marriage—Best
Critical Books
.
2. Best
Books on Relationship Contracts
.
3. Designer Marriage:
Write Your Own
Relationship Contract.
This is a book-in-process by James Park.
Currently available:
Outline
for Designer Marriage
,
which includes the 28 basic Questions
(and a few additional sub-questions)
that should be answered by anyone creating
a relationship contract.
4. Outline
of a presentation on relationship contracts
.
5. The first pages of
Chapter 10 of New
Ways of Loving:
"Loving
without Marrying"
.
Chapter
11 Living in Separate Households.
Are relationships sometimes improved
when the loving people do not live
together?
Resource:
1. The first pages of
Chapter 11 of New
Ways of Loving:
"Living
in Separate Households"
.
Chapter
12 Keeping Relationship Journals.
A written way to improve communication
between people in a loving relationship.
Resource:
1. All four pages of
Chapter 12 from New
Ways of Loving:
"Keeping
Relationship Journals"
.
Chapter
13 Loving in Existential Freedom.
Becoming more Authentic profoundly affects
loving relationships.
But a special form of Authenticity goes
beyond that:
freedom from our Existential Predicament—"Existential
Freedom".
When we are released from our inner loneliness,
insecurity, & depression,
we are empowered to love better than
ever.
Resources:
1. Books
on Existential Spirituality
.
2. Our Existential
Predicament:
Loneliness,
Depression, Anxiety, & Death by
James Park.
This book is the most comprehensive exploration
of our Existential Malaise
and its solution. Parts available on
the internet:
Outline
of Our Existential Predicament
.
This outline will lead you to additional
information,
including the first page of each of 13
chapters.
3. Outline of a
presentation entitled
"Introducing
Existential Spirituality"
.
4. Outline of a
presentation entitled
"Our
Existential Predicament and its Solution"
.
5. Outline of a
presentation entitled
"Loneliness
of Spirit: Deeper than the Reach of Love"
.
6. Outline of a
presentation entitled
"Existential
Guilt: Deeper than Morality"
.
7. Outline of a
presentation entitled
"Existential
Anxiety: Angst: Being Afraid of the Nothing"
.
8. Outline of a
presentation entitled
"Being
Depressed in Spirit: Deeper than Psychological Depression"
.
9. Outline of a
presentation entitled
"An
Existential Understanding of Death:
A
Phenomenology of Ontological Anxiety"
.
10. First pages of
Chapter 13 of New
Ways of Loving:
"Loving
in Existential Freedom"
.
11. The following four
portals have been created
for exploring these perspectives on our Existential Predicament:
Existential
Anxiety: Angst
Existential
Depression
Existential
Loneliness
Existential
Meaninglessness
James Park is the facilitator
of this class.
He is an existential philosopher and
author of
New Ways of Loving:
How Authenticity Transforms Relationships.
Anyone may join the distant learning
dialog at any time.
Send your comments and questions to James
Park:
PARKx032@TC.UMN.EDU
He will respond to all communications.
Some comments from distant learners and his replies
will be selected to be posted along with
this course description.
Links to these Questions & Answers
will appear last
in each of the above 13 sections of the
distant learning option.
Pass
the word to other Internet friends
who might be interested in exploring
new
ways of loving.
Created
April 10, 2000; revised 3-7-2009; 3-12-2009; 3-15-2009; 3-30-2009; 5-25-2009
Go to the website for
the book:
New Ways of Loving:
How Authenticity Transforms Relationships
Go to the website of
the Experimental College of theTwin
Cities
Return to the Minnesota
Free University home page.
Return to the LOVE
page.
Return to the beginning
of this home page:
An
Existential Philosopher's Museum
Here is the course description from the EXCO website as of June 26, 2009
Name of facilitator: James Park
E-mail: PARKx032@TC.UMN.EDU
Phone: 612-871-7275
Course description:
Explore new perspectives for creating
more open, free, & growing relationships.
In five sessions we will explore 8 themes:
Session 1: October x
Meeting the other men and women of the group.
Introducing all the themes and distributing books.
Session 2: October x + 7
(Ch. 1) recovering from romantic illusions;
(Ch. 2) becoming more Authentic;
Session 3: October x + 14
(Ch. 3) maintaining freedom in love;
(Ch. 4) transcending pre-existing needs;
Session 4: October x + 21
(Ch. 5) preventing jealousy by becoming unique;
(Ch. 6) opening to loving more than one person;
Session 5: November x
(Ch. 7) reinventing sex;
(Ch. 8) outgrowing masculinity and femininity.
The day of the week will be set by a vote
of all interested persons.
If you have not already voted,
send your preference to the e-mail address at the top.
Our resource for this seminar is:
New Ways of Loving:
How Authenticity Transforms Relationships
by James Park.
Click here for
more information about the text.
Over 60 pages are available on the Internet.
These 8 chapters will be available in class
in two different versions for $10 or $20.
Or you can buy the complete book
in the sixth edition, 2007, for $35.
See three options for buying these chapters.
James Park is an existential philosopher
and the leader of this seminar.
A comprehensive course description appears here:
http://www.tc.umn.edu/~parkx032/D-NWL.html.
If you would like to see some of the people
attending the March 2009 class,
go to the following URL: http://www.tc.umn.edu/~parkx032/IMG_4910c_1_1.jpg.
Class Time: 7:00-9:00 PM.
Class Dates: 5 weeks in fall,
day of the week to be selected by vote
of the people who join this interest group.
Place: 1829 THIRD AVE. SO, APT. 218.
This is the home of the facilitator:Lofts on Arts Avenue.
Class size: This class had
about 20 different people when it was offered
in March and April 2009.
About 15 is a good size for discussion.
Even tho there are over 75 people
who have expressed interest,
only about 15 of these
will actually be able to attend,
no matter what day of the week we select.
This is not a lecture series.
The basic content is printed in the book.
Rather, we have maximum discussion
among the self-selected group of people who attend.
Are YOU looking for new ways of loving?
If yes, click to join our e-mailing list.
What experience do you bring to this class?
James Park has led such discussions dozens of times,
during which he wrote and revised the book.
Most classes were in the Minnesota Free University.
Learn more about his career in
Adult Alternative Education
including several other possible classes.
(Revised 6-26-2009)
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