TAKING DEATH IN STRIDE

    Every person who reads or hears these words will die.
And every one of us will have some process leading up to death.
Unless we die suddenly from accident or violence,
we will probably have some months of dying
before we are finally pronounced dead.

    Most deaths in the United States are not handled well.
We all can think of tales of tragic and mismanaged deaths.
So, we know what we want to avoid.
Since we cannot avoid death itself,
we can make plans now so that we will avoid
at least the worse parts of death as it comes to most people.

    Preparing and planning for death will never be wasted effort.
Even if something about our ideal pathway towards death
cannot be accomplished exactly as we had imaged it beforehand,
at least laying out our ideal way to die
should guide what actually happens to us in the last year of our lives.

    This cyber-sermon lays out several practical steps
we can all begin to take whenever we are ready.
It might be helpful to start a loose-leaf notebook named "MY DEATH".
Each section of this notebook will be devoted
to one part of our plan for death.
We should have at least the following 4 sections:

1. ADVANCE DIRECTIVE FOR MEDICAL CARE

2. ESTATE WILL OR TRUST

3. DISPOSITION OF OUR REMAINS

4. FUNERAL OR MEMORIAL SERVICE

1. ADVANCE DIRECTIVE FOR MEDICAL CARE

    Even years before we are ready to die,
we should each develop a method of making medical decisions
in case there are times between now and the hour of our death
when we will not be able to make medical decisions.
Our times of inability might be temporary,
as when we are unconscious for any reason.
But at the end of each of our lives,
most of us will eventually become so debilitated
by our disease or by simple old age
that others will have to make our medical decisions for us.

    If we do not care what will happen to us medically speaking,
then we do not need any Advance Directive for Medical Care.
We will simply be treated according to the standard operating procedures
of the hospital and of the medical profession.

    But if we have developed any sense of our own medical preferences,
then we should put our ideas about medical care into a written document.
And the law encourages us to make such declarations
years before our instructions might be needed.
As long as we remain able to make our own medical decisions,
the hospital and doctors will follow our immediate choices.
However, if ever we do lose the capacity
to choose among the various medical options,
then we need proxies who will follow and enforce our written instruction.

    An Advance Directive can be as simple or comprehensive as we choose.
We will probably start with a simple form provided by the state where we live.
After we have filled in the blanks,
we might feel a need to explain ourselves more completely.
This is always possible, even when the Advance Directive is just one page long.
Simply add more pages for your additional, detailed instructions.

    If and when you ever become ready for a comprehensive AD,
here is another cyber-sermon
that asks the basic 24 Questions for creating a complete Advance Directive,
covering all the issues that might arise at the end of your life:
"Advance Directives for Medical Care:
24 Important Questions to Answer":
http://www.tc.umn.edu/~parkx032/CY-AD24.html
This cyber-sermon will lead you to many other resources on the Internet
that might help you to create whatever Advance Directive seems best for you.

2. ESTATE WILL OR TRUST

    Almost all of us have some tangible possessions to give away.
If we make no provisions for distributing our assets,
the law has a complex method for making those decisions after our deaths.
This is called "probate", which means proving the will is valid.
And if there is no written last will or testament,
then the law proceeds to distribute our property
according to its established system of priorities.

    The law in each state of the United States and of all other countries
defines who counts as 'next of kin'—and in what order of priority.
Sometimes the law defines what percentage must go to each relative.
According to the law, relatives are defined by 'blood' or marriage.
'Blood' means people who are related to us by reproduction.
Our blood relatives are our parents, siblings, children, etc.
Marriage is a legal contracts created between adults.
We create and dissolve our marriages by registered legal means.
And the law remembers with whom we are married forever.

    Frequently blood relationships do not reflect
how we would actually wish to distribute our assets after we die.
Or we might wish to prefer some relatives over other,
even if the law says that all our siblings or children are equal.
Some of such blood relatives might be in greater need than others.
Perhaps all of them have more than enough already.
Sometimes our chosen personal relationships have moved on
from a time when we officially contracted marriage with someone.
The law recognizes only one marriage at a time.

    A written will or estate plan sets forth exactly how
we want to distribute our assets if we were to die today.
And we can choose to include provisions that will change the distribution
as other things happen either before or after our deaths,
for example as children become adults or more mature adults.

    A written plan for distribution of assets after our deaths
will make our deaths much easier for those who are left behind.
If the plan is clear and unambiguous, there will be no disputes.
The executor of the will or the trustee of the estate
will follow all of the instructions we put into writing.
And 6 months later, all of the assets will belong to other people and organizations.

    When we have large estates—over a million dollars now—
some estate taxes will be due to various levels of government.
If we spend our assets before death, such taxes can be reduced.
And if we give away some of our assets to various organizations before we die,
this portion will not be counted as part of our estate.
However, giving assets to relatives shortly before death
does get counted as part of the estate.

    The basic difference between a will and a trust
is that a will is a static document,
which must be followed in each detail as written.
A trust is an on-going legal entity that can make new decisions.
The trustee is empowered to continue to manage the assets given to the trust.
And if essentially all of our assets are in a trust at the end of our lives,
there is no need for the process of probate at all.
The trustee automatically assumes control of everything in the trust,
just as we controlled our assets while we were living.

    This cyber-sermon does not intend to offer legal advice.
Seek more information from legal authorities
familiar with the law where you live and are likely to die.

    And you should update your will or trust periodically,
so that you keep all of the choices relevant to your current situation.
When you get married or divorced,
when you have children, grandchildren, or when some relatives die,
you might make changes as appropriate in our estate plan.
You might discover new organizations
to receive some of your assets to after your death.

3. DISPOSITION OF OUR REMAINS

    Even before our tangible assets are distributed to our heirs,
something will have to be done with our bodies after we die.

    Burial used to be the most common way of handling the dead.
This means purchasing the services of an 'undertaker',
as morticians used to be called.
Our bodies will be prepared according to their standard procedures,
which usually includes embalming to preserve the dead tissues as long as possible.
Then our bodies will be encased in caskets and vaults
and buried in a purchased piece of land in a cemetery.
The price of this plot is supposed to include 'perpetual care',
but the actual history of cemeteries suggests that when the cemetery is full,
and no new money is coming in,
the 'perpetual care' comes to an end.
The cemetery is abandoned or passes to some government body.

    Cremation is a simpler process, with a lower cost.
Our bodies are burned until there is nothing left but a small pile of ashes.
These ashes can be kept, dispersed, or buried as we might wish.

    Donation is another option.
This means giving our bodies to some medical institution after death,
where it will be used for the education of doctors and dentists.
After such use, the remains will be cremated and disposed of as we choose.
Contact the department of anatomy of your chosen medical school.

4. FUNERAL OR MEMORIAL SERVICE

    Usually in conjunction with whatever we have decided to do with our bodies after death,
the people who cared about us at the end of our lives
will want to create some collective events to remember our lives.

    Funerals are the most traditional of such gatherings,
but even they have now become open to modifications
to suit the particular people involved.

    If our bodies have already been disposed of according to our plans,
then the gathering is generally called a memorial service.
And the fact that the body will not be present
enables us to plan the date of the memorial service
some weeks or even months after death.
This might be more convenient for large or busy families,
who cannot drop everything for a funeral tomorrow or the day after.

    And there is no rule preventing more than one gathering.
We are free to create any plans we wish for after-death family events.
Some plans will be more detailed than others.
We should go with whatever seems best
for the people who will be remembering us.

AUTHOR:

    James Park is an independent existential philosopher
with deep interest in medical ethics,
especially the many issues that arise at the end of life.  
Medical Ethics and Death are two of the seven doors
to his website called "An Existential Philosopher's Museum":
http://www.tc.umn.edu/~parkx032/


Created 11-8-2008; Revised 12-11-2008; 1-31-2009
 

    Here are a few related cyber-sermons also by James Park:

When Is A Person?
Pre-Persons & Former Persons .

Advance Directives for Medical Care:
24 Important Questions to Answer .

The Living Cadaver:
Medical Uses of Permanently Unconscious Bodies .


Further Reading:

Best Books on Preparing for Death

Books on Advance Directives for Medical Care

Best Books on Voluntary Death

Books on Terminal Care

Go to the Book Review Index
to discover 400 other reviews
organized into more than 40 bibliographies.

Return to the DEATH page.

Go to the Medical Ethics index page.

Go to other cyber-sermons by James Park,
organized into 9 subject-areas.

Go to the opening page for this website:
An Existential Philosopher's Museum
The views and opinions expressed in this page are strictly those of the page author.
The contents of this page have not been reviewed or approved by the University of Minnesota.