How to kill a cat

 

First of all, after the divorce

Never call it “Pumpkin”

But call it “Cat!” or

“Hey!”

Let it sleep, sometimes with you,

sometimes outside the door.

Feed it twice a day.

Let it pee in the sink.

Yell at it if it goes on your counter, table, desk

And ask, “Are you going to make me come over there?”

or “Hey! … Hey!”

let it sleep sometimes with you.

Bathe it when your house is warm

(dress its head with socks)

let it eat what’s left on your plate in the sink.

Sing to it, play with it, talk to it.

Clean off its eye boogers.

Get angry at it for not knowing better after

How many times you’ve told it to stay off

the counter and it STILL doesn’t listen!

Spank it…

Let it sleep, sometimes with you.

sometimes outside the door.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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