UNDER CONSTRUCTION

Rough Draft:     

Copyright 1984-2000 by R. Jewell

Group Exercises (In Class or by Chat)

1. First, divide into groups of 3-4 people each. Second, choose group-work roles (coordinator/timer, writer, reader). Third, make up an event which is highly catastrophic or highly controversial and took only minutes or, at most, hours to occur. This event must be something which just finished happening and is now over. It also must be something which either you observed personally or you were present immediately afterward to interview those who were there. As you make up this event, your writer should record with everyone's help a 50-100 word journal of your development of this imaginary event.

Fourth, use the five W's of journalism (who, what, where, when, why/how) to factually, consistently, and thoroughly write an up-to-date, standard city newspaper article about this event. Use the inverted pyramid of journalism to choose which answers to your W's should occur first: the most important first and the least important last. You may, if you wish, include interview materials in quotation marks. Write 200+ words.

Fifth, read your results to the class.

2. Do the same exercise as above, except choose a real event that happened in recent or ancient history. Choose an event which is highly catastrophic or highly controversial and took only minutes or, at most, hours to occur. Pretend you either were there or were able to personally interview observers immediately after the event happened. Your writer should record with everyone's help a 50-100 word journal of your development of this event. Then follow the remaining steps above.

Individual Exercises

Writing a Rough-Draft Analysis from the Chapter):

Write a rough-draft analysis paper using the instructions in this chapter and the major subtitles suggested in the directions (200-500+ w. as assigned).

The Assignment

The Assignment 

Please write a news article about an event, real or imagined, using the 5 W's of journalism for organizing. The article should have five separate sections with each section developed by a different W for one to two paragraphs. ("When" or "where" may be combined with one other W to create only four sections.)

The article also should have an introduction summarizing what you will say, and a conclusion.

D. VISUAL MAP

(Note: if your Web view of this map is jumbled, widen your viewing window or increase the number of pixels used for viewing.)

Brainstorm, organize, & revise 2-3 pp. of newspaper article, publicity-release, or information-release writing:

Title

Your Name

Intro.:

    LEAD--catchy 5 W's + 1 parag.

Body:

    5 W's:

_______________________ 4-5 parts,
\                     / each with
 \         W         /  1-2 parag.
  \-----------------/
   \       W       /    (Total of
    \-------------/     4-8 body
     \     W     /      paragraphs)
      \---------/
       \   W   /
        \-----/
         \ W /
          \ /
           .

Conc.:

CLOSE--Catchy closing. 1 parag.

(Total paragraphs: 6-10 or more.)

(Here are three major steps of focusing during the writing process. Remember that the steps shown here may be rearranged or otherwise changed to suit your individual writing needs.)

1. FOCUS ON A FIRST DRAFT (Brainstorm Ideas & Create a Rough Draft):

Imagine you are reporter or publicity director. Start with an idea list, made-up story, or mental image. Brainstorm a simple, factual report describing some event, person, place, or thing. Write freely and quickly.

2. FOCUS ON ORGANIZING (Evaluate Your Needs and Organize):

Look at samples. Make the basic form:

intro--Use all 5 W's (+ Definition).
division 1\ Use each 5 W more fully:
division 2 \ who, what, where, when,
division 3 } & why/how, in order of
division 4 / most importance or
division 5/ interest.
concl--(1) summarize; (2) strong end.

3. FOCUS ON A FINAL DRAFT (Revise and Edit):

Describe fully, clearly, and simply.
Check organizational parts.
Check tone/style: sound factual,
simple, clear, and interesting.
Check grammar, spelling, & punctuation.
Put the final paper in typed form.

1. ROUGH DRAFTING (Brainstorm Ideas & Create a Rough Draft):

1. Brainstorm:

Start brainstorming by feeding your brain: read this whole chapter quickly and casually; then look at the samples more carefully for a few minutes. Notice that the heart of a News Release is a report or description of something that exists or has happened. It is simple and factual, never obviously emotional, never obviously opinionated.

News Release writing has many uses in school and work. In school, it is useful in journalism and public-event writing, and very brief summary forms of it can be very useful in many classes to summarize events, objects, or subjects. This is especially true if you learn to write definition introductions. Definition writing has many uses in introductions or first sections of academic papers.

In the world of work, News Release writing is an important skill. Most organizations require publicity news releases or longer written brochures or ads that describe the companies' products or services, and some organizations have newsletters. All of these kinds of writing are News Release writing. Learn them here, and you will be able to use them in work. In addition, those who wish to pursue journalism or other writing professions will find News Release writing basic and important to master.

When brainstorming a News Release for this course, you may start in one or more of these ways:

(1) Write a long list of ideas, and then narrow the choices;

(2) Make up a factual-sounding story; or

(3) Sit back, relax, breathe, clear your mind, and imagine.

Then write spontaneously and quickly for your first draft.

Another way to brainstorm a first-draft News Release is to pretend you are a newspaper reporter or publicity director, and then start with some real or made up event, person, or product. Write about it quickly and spontaneously.

Before you begin writing your second draft, look carefully at the News Release map and the sample News Releases. Then add to your first draft the second-draft parts, divisions, or sections. Then expand or develop parts, edit excess parts, and reorder and regroup ideas, sentences, and paragraphs as needed.

A News Release is a clear, simply ordered report or description. It usually starts with a sentence or two that summarize what the Release is about. Traditional News Release writing then develops by using what are called the five W's of journalism. These five W's are meant to describe everything basic and important to readers of a news story. The five W's answer five basic questions:

Who --Who are the people involved?

What --What happened or happens?

Where --Where did/does this take place?

When --When in time did/does this take place?

Why or How--Why did/does this happen, or how?

You should be aware that these 5 W's questions usually are answered twice:

(1) all five in the beginning one to three sentences, and

(2) each one more fully in its own paragraph (or more).

In what order should you answer the 5 W's? In the beginning, because you are trying to use them quickly in a summarizing way, you may answer the 5 W's in any order that is convenient and quick. Many journalists working in this traditional form try to learn to answer all 5 W's in the introduction in just one sentence: for example, "Jack and Jill climbed up the hill Saturday to fetch a pail of water." (Or, using "how" instead of "why," "Jack and Jill climbed up the hill Saturday using the newest developments in MountainWare brand equipment.")

In the body--the divisions or sections that make up the main part of the paper after the introduction--you should use the 5 W's is THE MOST IMPORTANT OR INTERESTING FIRST. In fact, this tradition of using the best 5 W's first, and the worst last is called the "inverted pyramid" of journalism:

_______________________
\                     /
 \        What       /
  \-----------------/
   \      Who      /    
    \-------------/    
     \   Where   /
      \---------/
       \  When /
        \-----/
         \Why/
          \ /
           .

The reason this pattern was developed for news writing was that after journalists had finished their news articles, busy editors had to quickly fit these articles onto the pages of a newspaper by getting rid of parts of the articles. The editors did not have enough time to carefully read the articles and delete a sentence here and a paragraph there; so if the articles were written in the pattern of the inverted pyramid, the editors were able simply to cut the ends of the articles--because they knew the ends had the least important or interesting information. This still sometimes is done today, which helps explain why some news articles end abruptly with little or no concluding material. The inverted pyramid and 5 W's pattern remains a convenient, traditional method of writing news releases. (A more modern way is to group the news information into several clusters--under several subheadings--and then write about each cluster or subheading in order of the clusters' importance or interest to readers.)

Here, then is how your News Release can be formed:

(l) a "lead" paragraph: summarizing sentences with all 5 W's,

(2) most important/interesting W,

(3) 2nd most imp./int. W,

(4-6) 3rd most imp./int. W, etc.,

(7) clear, simple paragraphing with simple order in each paragraph, and clear cause-and-effect order for "what" and/or "why/how,"

(6) a "close"--an ending paragraph--summarizing briefly, in a catchy way, what was said in the News Release.

3. FINAL DRAFTING (Revise and Edit):

Rewrite what you have done. Remember to use your rewriting skills, especially those which are good for making strong, interesting verbs: You should use very few adjectives; let the verbs make your news writing come alive. Also be sure to avoid too many short sentences or paragraphs in a row (choppy writing) or too many long sentences or paragraphs in a row (harder-to-read writing).

Good News Release writing is quick, bright, and "light": by "light" is meant that it does not carry a lot of verbal baggage in each sentence. This means that each sentence usually should depend on an interesting verb and should avoid excess adjectives and adverbs. For example, here is how to change a sentence with a dull verb and too many adjectives tot he kind of quick, bright, and light writing often used in News Releases:

CHANGE:

A two-engine diesel Trans World Airways jet airplane went down over mountainous territory in the heat of late Tuesday.

TO:

A TWA jet went down in the mountains Tuesday.

TO:

A TWA jet fell among mountains Tuesday.

Notice especially that after getting rid of the extra words, simplifying the sentence, that the verb then was changed to a somewhat more interesting (but not overly dramatic) verb.

Another important aspect of good News Release writing is to avoid having sentences that are excessively long. One way that sentences become excessively long is that they have long introductory phrases. In fact, if sentences do have introductory phrases in News Release or other public or business writing, usually the sentence will read much more easily if the introductory phrases are put at the end--not the beginning--of the sentences. Here are two examples.

CHANGE LONG, POORLY ORDERED SENTENCE:

At Kibitzer's Restaurant last Saturday at 9 a.m., to plan July's Antique and Racing Auto Show, members of the Auto Club met.

TO EASIER-TO-READ SENTENCE:

Members of the Auto Club met at Kibitzer's Restaurant last Saturday at 9 a.m. to plan July's Antique and Racing Auto Show.

TO SHORTER SENTENCES:

Auto Club members met at Kibitzer's Restaurant Saturday, 9 a.m. They planned July's Antique and Racing Auto Show.

This is how to make clear, simple sentences for public and business writing. Please see the chapter on Writing Sentences (peacock sentence-making) later in this book. That chapter offers detailed descriptions of how and why long introductory phrases should be placed at the ends rather than the beginnings of sentences.

The final printed version of your news release for this class should have these characteristics:

(l) Cut all excess words.

(2) Develop each 5 W sufficiently for the needed length.

(3) Use a very basic, clear, strong sentence construction:

Put the subject near the beginning.
Put the verb soon after the subject.
Move introductory phrases after the verb if possible.

(4) Don't use many adjectives; make the verbs lively.

(5) Try to have an attention-grabbing lead and interesting close.

(6) Double check all the organizational requirements, grammar, spelling, and punctuation.

Critical Thinking Activity: The rhetorical modes of extended definition and cause & effect.

If you are working with the rhetorical modes, a News Article uses some of these modes. It especially is useful for writing in the mode of extended definition. It also is useful for writing in the mode of cause/effect.

Here's what you need to know to use these modes when writing a News Article. A News Article is, of and by itself, a type of extended definition: it simply defines your subject in a full or "extended" way--more thoroughly than does a dictionary. However, to make it more clearly an extended definition, add the following parts of a short definition to the introductory paragraph:

(1) the exact term (the who or what) being defined,

(2) its classification--the class or group of people, events, or things to which it belongs, and

(3) a brief summarizing description of the term.

These three items are the three parts of a good dictionary definition. Use these in the introduction; then the rest of your news release is the "extended" part of the definition, adding further description of or about the term. Here are three examples of good dictionary definitions using the three defining items above:

(1--term:) "Chris Smith

(2--class:) is a student at George Washington College

(3--sum/des:) who is 19, working on an engineering degree, and is from Chicago, Illinois."

(1--term:) "The Sun Car Race

(2--class:) is a national competition

(3--sum/des:) based in Utah for solar-run cars developed by independent inventors and schools."

(1--term:) "La-Zee

(2--class:) is a new silicon-based car polish

(3--sum/des:) made by Dupe Chemicals to be so easy to use it practically applies itself."

A simple extended-definition paper usually starts with such simple dictionary-like definitions; then the definition is extended by writing a long body further describing the term. A news article becomes an extended definition by adding a short definition to the end of the introduction; then the body of the news article--the 5 W's development--becomes the extended description of the term.

A News Release also makes use of the mode of cause/effect. Cause/effect simply means that you shows the causes and/or effects of some event, person, or object. "Cause" means the reasons why or for something, or the source of something. "Effects" simply are results. Cause/effect writing shows a chain of connected events, each the logical result of the one before it. A simple cause/effect paper discusses the chain of events related to a person, event, or object, either as causes or effects or both. For example, a paper about a solar car might describe how it came to be built by an inventor and how he first became interested in solar cars (the causes), and what the results of this solar car might be--how its existence might lead people to take energy efficiency and environmental concerns more seriously and even lead to mass-produced solar cars (effects).

A News Release often requires simple cause-and-effect logic in explaining more fully "what" has happened, or especially in explaining "why/how" it has happened. These two parts of the 5 W's--"what" and "why/how"--are the parts which are most likely to develop cause/effect writing in a News Release.

When you are done writing your News Release, put it into good typed or printed format--dark and easily readable with approximate 1" margins. Be sure to give it a title and have your name in an appropriate place. A News Release is simply a reasonably objective report or description of an event, person, or object. This is how it is done.

Rough-Draft News Article

Goldy Gopher Found Dead at the River Flats
by
Jennifer Serber

        At four am on Sunday, October 1, 2000, the Twin Cities University of Minnesota’s own mascot, Goldy Gopher, was found dead at the river flats after the Fighting Illini lost the football game to the Gophers the day before.

        Goldy Gopher had been the mascot at the University of Minnesota-Twin Cities for the past 150 years.  His duties as mascot included performing at athletic events, new student convocation and other various university sponsored programs.

        Goldy was found dead on October 1, 2000 almost twelve hours after the conclusion of the Gopher/Illini football game.  His large head had been removed and thrown 10 feet from the rest of his body.  Joe Schmo, the passer-by who found Goldy stated, "The whole situation is sad, really. He [Goldy] brought so much love to this university.  I don’t know what we are going to do without him."

        Authorities suggest foul play was involved and have taken three Irate Illini fans into custody for questioning. The three men were seen earlier tipping over trash cans by the super block and expressing their disappointment in the games final score.  "We had that game, man! If it weren’t for that stupid gopher running around, the Minnesota fans would have been cheering for us," one of the men said who was later taken in by the police.

        The river flats are a secluded area on campus near the Mississippi River.  They are an area where most students go to study or play sports on nice days.  "I loved going down to the river flats on sunny afternoons," exclaimed Sally Smith, "but after what happened to Goldy, I just won’t feel safe there anymore."

        The University Police Department is working along with the Minneapolis Police Department in trying to put an end to this case.  The river flats at the University will be closed until further notice.  A funeral for Goldy will be held at noon on Wednesday, October 4 at Berman Field to commemorate the many years Goldy gave of his life to support the University of Minnesota.

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Contents and Page Design © 2002-2004 by Richard Jewell.  Nonprofit copying for education is allowed. Images courtesy of Barry's Clip Art, Clip Art Warehouse, The Clip Art Universe, Clipart Collection, Microsoft Clip Art Gallery and Design Gallery Live, School Discovery, and Web Clip Art Most recent update: 2-4-04 Home page:  http://collegewriting.info   Contact the author by going to www.Richard.Jewell.net.  I welcome questions, suggestions, and notes about links.

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NEW COLOR SCHEMES
1. new gold (for highest levels) Hex={FF,B9,35}	2. new gold moved to nearby hexagon (secondary levels) Hex={FF,CC,00}	3. light match to new gold and new brown (tertiary levels) Hex={FF,C2,53}	4. lighter match to new gold and new brown (quaternary) Hex={FF,CF,75}
new brown (for top brown bars)           Hex={E8,97,00}
new gold moved directly left to red-gold, and lightened (OK) (5th level?)    Hex={FF,88,66}	lighter version of "...red-gold" (Ann hasn't seen it, yet.)  (5th level?)     Hex={FF,A3,88}	old brown (OK) Hex={FF,8F,20}	light version of old brown (OK) Hex={FF,B8,71}

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The contents of this page have not been reviewed or approved by the University of Minnesota.