Despite the fact that a lot of the folks in the Rochester, MN Linux Users Group work for IBM (presumably, they're smart people), a lot of them seem very prone to spreading rumor and fallacy.
Mushy stuff, move along
Thinking about Sarah way too much. I'm worried it's becoming unhealthy. If I can't at least start to straighten things out in my head over the next few days, I think I'll have to start talking to someone. It might be partially induced by the fact that my birthday is coming up, and I've let another year pass by without experiencing some things that I really want to do.
However, over the last few days I think I realized that a feeling I had associated with love/infatuation/etc. actually turns out to be something completely different. When my heart `skips a beat,' it seems to be a warning. It seems to be that I know there's something I should be doing, and another part of me is holding me back. I often get it when I'm sitting at home procrastinating.
I thought I was getting the feeling because I was feeling lonely or something. I had associated it with love because of a big string of mistakes I made in high school when I was infatuated with a girl there. Now, I need to figure out what the right things to do are when I get this feeling. Sometimes it's easy to know what to do (ie, when I'm procrastinating). Other times, when many things are going on, like in a social environment, it's much harder.
I've been thinking about this because of Sarah. I've had strong feeling for her. However when I actually got close to her and talked to her, I felt something completely different from what I'd come to expect. That mismatch has led me to re-examine many things. Unfortunately, it seems to be pretty dangerous, and I've been on a rollercoaster these past few days.
Still, if I fall back to the old me, I probably wouldn't last. There are a lot of pent-up feelings that I have to purge. If it turns out that I'm holding onto a lot of emotional baggage that was mislabeled, it'll probably be a huge load taken away. I just hope I'm headed in the right direction.
Posted by mike at November 28, 2001 08:59 AM | Old Advogato Diary , Sarah | TrackBack