nate's journal: because i was told to never write anything i wouldn't put my name to.
this is for posterity... so be honest.
all bible references will be NIV unless otherwise noted.
poetry | the great debate | my utmost for His highest
current journal | january 03 | december 02 | november 02 | october 02
When Jesus said to give to Caesar what is Caesar's, I don't think he meant that we should remain physical slaves to Caesar, trudging through fettered existances, laying coin at Caesar's feet. I picture redemption and renewal, a poor man throwing his money at Caesar and turning and laughing freely, no longer serving what is seen. Not mere subjection to that authority, but rejection of that realm. I don't want God to be first on my list of priorities. I want him to be the paper and pen, I want him to write the list and teach me to read it.
Also... Jan 15 MUFHH
Mt 22:20 and he asked them, "Whose portrait is this? And whose inscription?"
Mt 22:21 "Caesar's," they replied. Then he said to them, "Give to Caesar what is Caesar's, and to God what is God's."
In a computer science lecture today, I found myself looking around thinking, "It's good to see the smart, ambitious, capable people that will be the pillars of the computer science industry in a few short years." No matter how hard I tried, I could not place myself in their group. I don't know where I will be in ten years, but I can't imagine a dilbert-style cubicle in my future. I can't imagine knowing assembly language or wanting to. I am content to let other people get all of the glory for developing better chips and faster operating systems. I have a feeling that success in this field demands a sort of savage obsession with things that do not interest me. Is it just because I'm lazy and unambitious? How do I acquire ambition? Am I in the wrong major? Nothing really interests me more. I feel like such an outsider, not even sure if I want in. Standing by for further instruction.
In other news... we got a bit of snow this morning, just a muddy dusting. About a quarter inch everywhere, always crunching under my shoes. The sky is a bright grey, maybe f5f5f5, with just a bit of old snow blowing around, and a few more birds than flags.
When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation,
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.
Then I shall bow, in humble adoration,
And then proclaim: "My God, how great Thou art!"
~Carl G. Boberg and R.J. Hughes, How Great Thou Art
There is a poetry in beauty whose very essence demands its own presence in the hopeless corners of the world. The powerful God I know in the best of times surely cannot be held back from the despairful times. If I believe that God can raise a king from a shepherd, a rainbow from a storm, and the savior of the world from a baby in a manger, then I need to believe He can bring glory to Himself in every situation. I need to believe that everyone is desperate and that everyone can be saved. God insists on pointing out how wrong we are in our assessment of the world. What we value is but loss, our righteousness is as filthy rags, the wisdom of the wise will perish, the nations are dust on the scales. The blind see, the lame walk, the slaves are made sons, the stone the builders rejected has become the chief cornerstone. There is no paradox... only a series of implications and conclusions I am reluctant to make, because one of them is that I am nothing.
Ro 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
2 Co 4:7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.
2 Co 4:8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;
2 Co 4:9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
2 Co 4:10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.
2 Co 4:11 For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body.
2 Co 4:12 So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.
2 Co 4:13 It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken." With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak,
2 Co 4:14 because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence.
2 Co 4:15 All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.
2 Co 4:16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
2 Co 4:17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
2 Co 4:18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
I look forward to another year. It seems odd that there is such a feeling of newness about a new year. I somehow am able to put everything from 2002 into my 'history' file and peruse it at will... Ah, 2002, when I was young and foolish. I'm bigger than that now. A little lighter for it too. A lot can happen in twelve months, but now the old is happily logged away and the new year is less than an hour old! No major regrets so far, no pain yet. I guess we should really be in a joyfully redeemed state of bliss at all times, but this seems to work better for the schedules we force ourselves into and our obsession with closure and renewal and such. Seldom enough to sweetly miss the last, often enough to eagerly await the next. Jubilee.
Jer 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jer 29:12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
Jer 29:13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.