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nate's journal: because i was told to never write anything i wouldn't put my name to.
this is for posterity... so be honest.
all bible references will be NIV unless otherwise noted.
poetry   |    the great debate   |    my utmost for His highest
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04-30-03      when through the woods, and forest glades i wander

[Shoutout to Everyone and Swiemo!]

SOMETHING THERE IS that finds comfort in knowing that another shares one's situation. Maybe it should be depressing that two people are lost and confused, instead of only me. No, having someone with me makes me feel a little less lost, a little more directed, a little more sure of my doubts. Don't you not think that wasn't a very non-sensical sentence? Anyway, I had some great conversation today. I am blessed indeed.

I have some pictures from the north shore that might just wait a few days... weeks, months... maybe nobody will ever see them. When I die, I am certain I will leave a whole slew of unviewed pictures. Burn/delete them and look at an Ansel Adams book.

Isa 30:15 This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.

04-28-03      highway 61 visited

I went to Canada last weekend with Vic and Glenn. Birches flitting past a Superior that was almost the color of dusk... but I didn't take the picture, becuase Vic was driving. The speed wouldn't have shown up very well anyway. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and I don't have the picture or the words, but trust me, it was a masterpiece.

I'm finishing this the morning of the 29th, since I left it half done yesterday. Maybe if I could sit in a corner for a few days and collect my thoughts, I could cough up a decent journal entry that recorded some of my meandering wonderings that I want to eventually remember. But I don't think sitting in a corner is what it's all about. Anyway, profundity and introspection are overrated. With that, I'm gonna go live for another day.

04-22-03      i changed my major today.

If they just went straight they might go far;
    They are strong and brave and true;
But they're always tired of the things that are,
    And they want the strange and new.
They say: "Could I find my proper groove,
    What a deep mark I would make!"
So they chop and change, and each fresh move
    Is only a fresh mistake.
    --Robert Service

04-15-03      the sound of a heavy rain

1 Ki 18:41 And Elijah said to Ahab, "Go, eat and drink, for there is the sound of a heavy rain." 42 So Ahab went off to eat and drink, but Elijah climbed to the top of Carmel, bent down to the ground and put his face between his knees. 43 "Go and look toward the sea," he told his servant. And he went up and looked. "There is nothing there," he said. Seven times Elijah said, "Go back." 44 The seventh time the servant reported, "A cloud as small as a man's hand is rising from the sea." So Elijah said, "Go and tell Ahab, 'Hitch up your chariot and go down before the rain stops you.'" 45 Meanwhile, the sky grew black with clouds, the wind rose, a heavy rain came on and Ahab rode off to Jezreel.

That's my favorite rain story. Seven times, nothing, then a cloud the size of a man's hand. By faith, Elijah...

04-14-03      the fury

Read II Kings 22-23

King Josiah, in the eighteenth year of his reign, cleaned house.

It all started when the high priest ran across the forgotten Book of the Law. He gave it to King Josiah’s secretary, who read it to the king. Josiah tore his robes. And acted. He renewed the covenant in the presence of the Lord (II Kings 23:3) and immediately took up the task of destroying the relics of years upon years of idolatry. Josiah destroyed altars and idols set up by his fathers, even Solomon himself (23:13). He gave orders to clear, from the temple of the Lord, articles made for the worship of Baal, Asherah, and all the starry hosts (23:4). He went throughout Judah and Jerusalem destroying shrines and killing priests. He ordered the people to celebrate the Passover, something that had not been observed since the days of the Judges.

2 Ki 23:25 Neither before nor after Josiah was there a king like him who turned to the LORD as he did--with all his heart and with all his soul and with all his strength, in accordance with all the Law of Moses.

Wow.

04-09-03b      and miles to go before I sleep

I walked or rode my bike in eleven different zip codes today: 55414, 55455, 55454, 55415, 55401, 55402, 55403, 55404, 55406, 55407, and 55408, not necessarily in that order. I also bought a map of the twin cities today, one of those nice ones with the zip codes labeled.

04-09-03      good, pleasing, and perfect

Lord, show me Your way.

Isaiah: "Here am I. Send me!" (Isaiah 6:8)
Jeremiah: "I do not know how to speak; I am only a child." (Jeremiah 1:6)
Moses: "Who am I, that I should go...?" (Exodus 3:11)
Samuel: "Speak, for your servant is listening." (I Samuel 3:10)
Mary: "I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said." (Luke 1:38)

I looked into some of the different reactions to the invitation/command that God presents to us. Ananias offered an opinion of his own, but ignored his doubts and obeyed. (Acts 9:10-17). Elisha, called while plowing his field, burned his plow to roast his oxen, fed the oxen to the people, kissed his parents good-bye, and followed. (1 Kings 19:19-21). Simon and Andrew left their nets. (Matthew 4:20). A Rich Young Man walked away sad. (Matthew 19:22). Jonah boarded the first boat to the edge of the known world in the opposite direction of Ninevah. (Jonah 1:3). Jonah obeyed and went to Ninevah. (Jonah 3:3). Abram gathered up his belongings and left. (Genesis 12:1-4). Gideon asked for a sign. (Judges 6:36-40).

I can see all of these in myself.

04-06-03      if i stand

And if I stand let me stand on the promise
That you will pull me through
And if I can't let me fall on the grace
That first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy
That has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home
--Rich Mullins

04-05-03      ...now that i can dance

Would you believe I spent the evening dancing?

04-03-03      riddle me this...

Photography has served to completely revolutionize my understanding of perceptive geometry. Any physically existing angle between two different non-parallel lines, if regarded from the right point, can appear anywhere from 0° to 90° to 180°. A 90° angle will appear to be exactly 90° from exactly two planes minus two lines of vision. An 89½° angle will appear to be exactly 89½° from exactly one line of vision. A 167°, 34°, or 89½° angle will appear to be exactly 90° from exactly two lines of vision each. This amazes me. I look at the corner of the room, where two walls and a ceiling meet, and I see three right angles. But I don't; the three angles surround a point, and cannot equal 360 degrees if they are each 90°. In fact, I can't see a single 90° angle if I am in a square room. Hmmm. I would need to have my eye along one of the three lines where the walls meet the ceiling or each other in order to see a 90° angle in the corner of a square room. It is indeed a fearfully made sense of vision that can discern distances and angles.

That's all.

04-01-03      high countries

And the weight of glory, if you held it in your hand
It would pass right through you, so now's your chance
Would you fall to pieces
In the high countries?
--Caedmon's Call, "The High Countries" (alluding to Lewis's The Great Divorce)

My day is just getting underway... the clouds look like crashing waves. The hum of traffic makes me wonder where I would be right now if I owned a car. The malt-o-meal is chunky. Life is good. [...passage of time...] Any day is a good day when I see more friends than classmates. I spent some quality time with James in Walter Library today. The book, I mean. I like where he talks about faith and deeds.

 Jas 2:12 Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom,

Jas 2:17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

Jas 4:17 Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.

Mk 9:24 Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

 Deeds do not prove faith, they complete it. Deeds do not merely describe or verify the existence of faith, as mathematical formulae are used to verify the location of a particular star. (The star’s location does not depend upon a handful of researchers, no matter how accurate their calculations are.) Rather, faith is completed by deeds and not without them, that it might be proven and finished simultaneously. Having faith in God means knowing that His way is best. When I don’t act accordingly, I show that I think my way is better than God’s way: that His way is not best. My faithless action (or lack of faithful action) shows that I do not have that faith that I might be claiming. Paul says that if we have faith, but not love, we are nothing. James says that if we have faith without actions, it is not really faith at all. Jesus said we would be recognized by our fruit, our deeds. Deeds are not supplemental, but fundamental to faith.

We will be known by our fruit. Jesus said that every tree that did not bear good fruit would be cut down and thrown into the fire. This doesn’t suggest the possibility of “good trees” that simply don’t produce fruit. That’s because the production of fruit is what makes a tree good.

Lord, give me faith. “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”



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