Suave

There's a brand of shampoo that has an...umm...flavor (?) that touts to contain sea algae extract.

My first reaction upon stepping on algae has always been to recoil, not to goop up a handful and rub it into my hair.

Although, I suppose if you were going to a rave and wanted your hair to fluoresce under the black lights, Ocean Breeze flavor (?) is for you.

Memorable quotes

Today's quotes a la Great Grandpa Smith:

"I need to go ta' the store...I need pop and I need prunes."

"Want to see a picture of a fat baby?"

[stumbles] "oop...I lost my balance there. Old bankers lose their balance."

Two dumb engineers have their first wind tunnel test

Coolest major ever.

Pestulance

I'd never wish death upon anyone.

Maybe every once in awhile I'll wish Crohn's Disease on someone, but never death.

Crohn's Disease Warranting Offenses

1. Driving the wrong way on a one way and honking at me as if I'm the one driving the wrong way.
2. Stealing my good mechanical pencil and not giving it back.
3. Eating potato chips with mouth open.
4. Successfully pulling off a Hurricane (degree of difficulty 4.9), but not sticking the landing.
5. Spilling acetone on my hands in lab.

Looker

O R A N G E S

"Oh, dude, play 'Ran'"

It is irksome when I'm engaged in a game of Scrabble or Chess for someone to glide in from their belfry to grace me with their over-my-shoulder "expertise."

I think my lexicon has a breadth sufficient to get through a round of America's Favorite Word Game!, and if you touch my rook one more time my fist will be checked by your face, mate.

Take a nap

How do I love thee, WetNaps? Let me count the ways.

I love how you allow me to engage in wanton activity with a rack of baby back wings or a basket of buffalo wings without any consequence afterward.

I love how, when I rub you on my face, I get a sense of chemical cleanliness that neither soap nor lysol could ever accomplish.

I love the security you afford me in day-to-day life. Accidentally touch a bum? WetNap.

I mises you

So, the Maximum Distortion Energy Theory is also called the von Mises theory, and the Octahedral Shearing Stress Theory is called the von Mises criterion. But in my notes, the professor put the definition of the von Mises theory under the heading of...Octahedral Shearing Stress Theory?!?!

If he can't lecture correctly, I don't think he has any business setting an A at 95%.

You know, besides this homework he assigned totally blowing because of mixed up definitions, it's not so bad!

That's amore

Don't forget to play the word verfication game in the comments section!



Scene

Thank you for coming down so quickly, Mr. Recknor—your ex-wife had listed you as one of her emergency contacts.

Yes...why, yes...of course. What seems to be the problem, officer?

'Doctor' will do just fine. Anyways, she had some cranial trauma and we've put her in an induced coma, but we expect a full recovery.

Pull the plug.

So if you'll just sign...excuse me?

She told me that if she was ever in a coma she didn't want to be a fruit.

That's...that's not even the right idiom. Besides, it's an induced coma, so I don't really think she meant...

She has it in writing! *hands doctor document*

*examining document* Sir, this is a police citation for public drunkenness and lewdness...issued one hour ago...

That'll teach her for cheating on me. So if you'll kindly repsect her wishes, officer...

End Scene

Happy Valentines Day!

Cheesy

Comparing Kraft Spirals to Kraft Macaroni and Cheese The Cheesiest, I'd have to say the Spirals are the cheesier of the two (false advertising!).

My guess is that the spiral structures facilitate the retention of cheese matter in the cheese matrix.

7 Degrees of John Cochrane

I was recently turned on the online service, Pandora. I cannot exalt enough the awesomeness of this site.

The premise: You type in an artist or a song and a streaming, interactive radio station is tailored to the style of that artist or song. If a golden oldie comes along that you don't like or doesn't fit the genre, you can give it a "thumbs down" or hit the "next" button.

I've literally filled two post-it notes with smallish handwriting listing new artists and songs that I would have never discovered otherwise.

John Entwistle? The Cat Empire? Bruce Springsteen? Who are these people and why haven't I heard of any of them before?

Oh, now Randy Newman is on. (listens for one minute and clicks 'next') You've had your fun, Newman.

You're it

Instructions: Name five of life's simple pleasures that you like and tag five people to do the same. Try to be original and creative.

[try to be original and creative, eh? Well, if you say so. -ed]

1. I like donating at the blood bank. I sit in their blood giving chair and always quip "hey, where's the stirrups? *chuckle*" Then I'll wait for them to find my vein. Unbeknownst to the tech, however, I've replaced my human arm with a fake arm (real arm tucked behind front of shirt). When they try to pierce a strategically placed fake vein, green blood squirts all over them! "Oops, you'd better check my paperwork again!" says I. When they look, I've checked the "other" box under ethnicity and have scribbled into the blank: "Romulan"
   
2. I enjoy going around and telling people gross facts because I have low self esteem and hate to see other people happy. "Enjoying that peanut butter? I hope you know that there's insect legs in there." or "Hey, I love candy corn, too. Did you know that each delicious kernel is coated with an extract from a bug that is found in the jungle?"
   
3. Civil unrest.
   
4. Every once in awhile I'll dress up in my full guerrila regalia and go to the zoo and stand next to the sliverback pen. When the five year-olds walk by with their mothers I shout in my most idealistic voice, "sure, they have their own social heiarchy and engorged genetalia, but are they willing to open fire on innocent civilians during a coup de etat? Didn't think so!" Then the children cry and I give them sunflower seeds from the 25-cent sunflower seed dispenser to assauge their conscience for living such a protected life.
   
5. Fuzzy wuzzy kittens that I can hold in one hand.

Erik,

Dr. [head of my department] was able to review that letter [of recommendation] while on the road (he'd seen your transcript and resume before) and we've agreed to fund you at Marshall [Space Flight Center] if they can find a placement for you. Congratulations! I'll contact them as soon as I can (like tomorrow or Friday) to see what exactly they want me to send them on your behalf. Then they will send you more application materials to fill out.

[From the Associate Director of the Minnesota Space Grant]


----------------------

Now of course just because my department is sponsoring my to go to Marshall, that doesn't mean that Marshall will take me. So just settle down now.

But it's nice to get some good feedback.

Raptor

Today is word verfication sentence day!

"So like when's the next time you, me, Niemi, and Brian P. all get together @ the Holiday Inn and terrorize the entire hotel playing Jurassic Park?" [sic]

I had forgotten that as a kid it would be a yearly birthday ritual to rent a hotel room and invite a handful of my friends to have a Holiday Inn slumber party (totally awesome). At around midnight—high on Dairy Queen cake—we would all turn into dinosaurs and run around the different floors and tackle each other while screetching. The charade would continue until the security guards seized us by the scruff of our necks to return us to my room.

Everyone would always choose to be the Velociraptor. That was the superior choice for maximum fun.

Equation

No Roommates = No Pants

Canadian Prime Minister Erik Axdahl

I was once elected the Canadian Prime Minister of Canada, eh?

After the parliamentary vote of no confidence upset—really, their feelings were quite hurt—the Canadian government, I decided that then was the time to make some world change.

I became aware of a loophole in Canadian law that allowed residents of other countries who lived within 500 miles of the Canadian border to be able to run for public office.  One downloaded PDF application form and three twonies later, my name was on the ballot.

Luckily for me, candidates’ names are put on the ballot in alphabetical order.  As a direct result of this, I obtained a 98.1% plurality in the election.  

After the Canadian Voting Machine sent me an e-mail informing me of my win, I was excited yet scared.  How would I lead these people?  How could I fill the shoes of such a lineage of Prime Ministers?  What would I wear on my first day?  

Luckily, the third question was easily answered via my prowess with world languages.  Prime is from the Latin primus, meaning main, and minister is from the English minister, meaning priest.  

I arrived at the Canadian border in my finest silk robes and pointiest Pope hat ready for work, but the border guards asked me to step out of the car, eh?

Evidently the Canadians realized their mistake (checking the box next to a candidate’s name actually registers a vote for that particular candidate), and quickly began a cover up.  Secretly and overnight, all of Canada re-did the election and this time Stephen Harper won (my name was put on the bottom of the ballot).  I was the victim of a conspiracy.  

And that is what I did on my winter vacation.