Deep Thoughts

Insightful/Retrospective/Inquisitive thoughts from the Great Loc Nar, Erik Lee Axdahl

* You know, it's sort of bad when someone mentions the word "clevage" to you, and you think of a fractured material instead of the female breast crack. This has only happened to me--I mean, a friend of the Great Loc Nar--once, but it makes me weep nonetheless.

* Why does the "Maximum Occupancy" sign in Middlebrook's UDS (University Dining Service) have brail when it is posted nine feet in the air? I can understand the desire to not be sued by the ACLU--however, in my opinion it is much more of a liability to have blind people operating ladders to read signs posted nine feet in the air.

* When attending a funeral, why do I always inquire with the bereaved as to "how they're doing?" They're obviously not well in the slightest, yet I ask anyways. Should I tell them that I'm sorry for their loss, instead? I mean, I'm not actually sorry. Rather, I feel pity instead of remorse. Is it still condescending to say "I'm sorry?" If I am to tell them, instead, that "I pity you," does me getting punched in the face mean that I was wrong to say that, or is it simply another step in the grief process?

* Do these boot cut pants make me look girly?

* If not, what if I wear them with this blouse?

* Why does nobody believe in the primal way of order anymore? Why do lesser males act incredulously towards me when I stare at them for extended periods of time, instead of retreating whilst wimpering? Don't they know that breaking eye contact with me means that I am the Alpha male? Is it bad to mount pack females without regard to time or place? Is this taboo? I'm just asking, because times really seem to have changed.

* Is it OK to sit in the front row in a lecture hall with a long stick and poke the professor with it, only to blame the infant in the seat next to me? Or did I dream that?

* Is it okay to hiss at people? Do people still do that? If so, what's the proper execution of the hiss? Should it be a hiss like a snake or a hiss like a cat? Personally, as a cat person, I would prefer the latter. Would this make me catty?

* Do you ever come home to an empty house and start singing embarassingly loud, only to find that the plumber is in your bathroom? What do you say? Is it possible to start a normal conversation with the fellow after such an incident? Normally, I just pretend that I'm a foreign exchange student with a language that is spoken singingly. I also denounce America for good measure. Then I eat a cat. All for good measure.

These insightful/retrospective/inquisitive thoughts have been brought to you by me,

Erik Lee Axdahl, esq.