Before Canker

Sometimes I think of those idyllic times before I had this canker sore in my mouth, and I cry my eyes out into my pillow. My potato pillow. Yes, I have a pillow that is textured like a potato and has sewn-in "eyes."

Those were times that I could smile without that dull pain in my lower lip. How I miss the smiling.

These days I live in the constant fear that putting in my bottom retainer will irritate the angry beast with that loopy part of the wire that goes in front of my cuspid. So I don't put it in. Oh how I miss straight bottom teeth.

I also miss being alone with my thoughts. Now they're just polluted with the hateful screeds of the telepathic canker.

When it disappears in the next couple days, I pray that I can rediscover what it's like to have a normal life. But it's possible that one can never truly get over something like this. Maybe it's really about learning to live with the emotional pain and never letting it get the best of you. Just maybe...it's about humanity.