More like...MAL*MART!
Many have tried and all have failed. Empirical evidence suggests that it is impossible to look attractive in WAL*MART.
Sure, in your bathroom mirror with those warm lights your skin looks lightly tan and your one day's stubble (if male) gives you that nice rugged appeal. Your teeth are white and shiny and those brown eyes of yours are ready to connect with the ladies (if male). You even got your hair to do that one thing.
You know, the thing.
But as soon as you step through those electronic-sensored gates, all Hell breaks loose. Specifically...on your face.
At first, however, you are unaware. Then you walk through the mirror department and subsequently curse upward at your full-spectrum fluorescent lightbulb overlords.
Every imperfection of your face is revealed and exaggerated. You look pale. Your one day's stubble (if male) contrasts far too much with your albino skin and your brown eyes are bloodshot all of a sudden for no reason whatsoever. Your mouth goes dry, so your teeth are no longer shiny, but dull. Furthermore, your hair looks dryer than a bone that's been bleaching in the desert Sun.
You may have looked like Brian Boitano in the real world, but in this Twilight Zone you look more like Brian Peppers.
Sure, in your bathroom mirror with those warm lights your skin looks lightly tan and your one day's stubble (if male) gives you that nice rugged appeal. Your teeth are white and shiny and those brown eyes of yours are ready to connect with the ladies (if male). You even got your hair to do that one thing.
You know, the thing.
But as soon as you step through those electronic-sensored gates, all Hell breaks loose. Specifically...on your face.
At first, however, you are unaware. Then you walk through the mirror department and subsequently curse upward at your full-spectrum fluorescent lightbulb overlords.
Every imperfection of your face is revealed and exaggerated. You look pale. Your one day's stubble (if male) contrasts far too much with your albino skin and your brown eyes are bloodshot all of a sudden for no reason whatsoever. Your mouth goes dry, so your teeth are no longer shiny, but dull. Furthermore, your hair looks dryer than a bone that's been bleaching in the desert Sun.
You may have looked like Brian Boitano in the real world, but in this Twilight Zone you look more like Brian Peppers.
"ma'am"
7 Comments:
I completely agree. My stubble really stands out when I go there, too...that's why I wear my baseball hat pulled way down...
WOAH, yikes! Anotehr reason for me to NOT shop at wally world.
try being white to start with, damn, you look like casper by the time you are under those great radiating lights
zane
hmmm, i have found that walmart and target and all those stores have taken out all their mirrors except in the dressing room. remember when clothing stores used to have mirrors everywhere? theyre all gone now. why is that? i cant get a wal mart product tech expert (previously known as floor assistants) to give me a reason why that is. anyone know why that is? anyone?
HAPPY NEW YEAR bud!!
And yet people continue to ask why I don't post a photo of myself on my blog. Heh heh
really? i didn't know that. i'll have to check next time i pick something up there. or maybe i could altogether avoid going to that section to protect my self-esteem.
but why is it that all the girlies be lookin' so hawt?
skanky perhaps, underage probably , but f'n hawt!
and why is it when I go to target there aren't any hotties?
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