Grendel is in my intestine
Warning: Disturbing imagery impending! It's gross, seriously!
At eight o'clock this morning my lower intestines revolted against me. By revolt I don't mean:
Oh, I'm awaking gently from my sleep now with an urge to visit the bathroom. Lah da tii, lah ti dah. *meanders* mmmm...life is so good to me... *light laughter*
Rather, it more resembled:
What...what's happening...OUCH! *sweating* Oh my God, there's an apple sized object stuck in my intestine! Get it out! Oh God, please help me! It hurts! It huuuurts!
At eight o'two in the morning I was in a fetal position on the bathroom floor. If you think the last paragraph was an overstatement, you're mistaken. As a matter of fact, it's an understatment. By eight ten I was able to extend my lower body enough to assume a supine position and the pain cleared from my mind just enough so I could consciously set an eight-thirty deadline for agony resolution before I'd have one of my roommates drive me to the emergency room.
In the intervening time, my mind floated from one thought to another...
How would one work the logistics of staying in the hospital this close to finals week?
What impact will I have left on the world?
Should I delete some of those files from my computer in case something bad happens?
At one point the object (read: mutant boulder poop monster filled with a gas bubble core) passed near my bladder, which caused a sudden, persistant, and uncomfortable urge to urinate. Then, suddenly...
guuurgle
...and the pain subsided. No urge to go to the bathroom. No remanant of pain. Whatever it was, it moved into more open pasture (or fragmented) and was no longer causing me any distress. So I went back to bed and slept until noon.
And that's my painful gas bubble story.
At eight o'clock this morning my lower intestines revolted against me. By revolt I don't mean:
Oh, I'm awaking gently from my sleep now with an urge to visit the bathroom. Lah da tii, lah ti dah. *meanders* mmmm...life is so good to me... *light laughter*
Rather, it more resembled:
What...what's happening...OUCH! *sweating* Oh my God, there's an apple sized object stuck in my intestine! Get it out! Oh God, please help me! It hurts! It huuuurts!
At eight o'two in the morning I was in a fetal position on the bathroom floor. If you think the last paragraph was an overstatement, you're mistaken. As a matter of fact, it's an understatment. By eight ten I was able to extend my lower body enough to assume a supine position and the pain cleared from my mind just enough so I could consciously set an eight-thirty deadline for agony resolution before I'd have one of my roommates drive me to the emergency room.
In the intervening time, my mind floated from one thought to another...
How would one work the logistics of staying in the hospital this close to finals week?
What impact will I have left on the world?
Should I delete some of those files from my computer in case something bad happens?
At one point the object (read: mutant boulder poop monster filled with a gas bubble core) passed near my bladder, which caused a sudden, persistant, and uncomfortable urge to urinate. Then, suddenly...
guuurgle
...and the pain subsided. No urge to go to the bathroom. No remanant of pain. Whatever it was, it moved into more open pasture (or fragmented) and was no longer causing me any distress. So I went back to bed and slept until noon.
And that's my painful gas bubble story.
"ma'am"
10 Comments:
"mutant boulder poop monster filled with a gas bubble core"? omg. i love the euphemism!!
What in the WORLD did you eat the night before this episode?! Baked beans?
did you seriously go to the emergency room?
lol... unfortunately... I know exactly what you mean...
Roselly: I think it's because the Soviets are putting fluoridation in our water system.
Kristen: No. No emergency room visit was required!
*GASP!* No wonder my teeth became so white! Bastards! But glad yer better, hehe! *winks*
Hey! Last week of exams! YAYYYYY!!!
So yeah, is this kinda weird? I didn't want to taint the image of you that I hold im my head so I didn't read this post. You and gross don't go together in my book.
Boys are big babies. And by "boys" I mean an number of my man friends and you.
however disturbing this may be, it still makes me laff my ass off. no pun intended ;)
Yes I know you're in the middle of a whole bunch of exams and it totally sucks and what not but can you post something already to get rid of the gas bubble post for pete's sake! ;)
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