I really have to go

So here I am in my new apartment. Our Internet port isn't working for some reason, however, so I've had to revert back to my pirate ways in the form of stealing someone's wireless internet connetion. Yar! I know that I'm a really, really good pirate. I even have a tooth that looks like a piece of corn (no I don't--that's a lie. I have perfect teeth).

Yesterday's trip from Duluth to the Twin Cities (140 miles) was smooth except for the fact that my body rebelled against me and decided to have an overactive bladder for the entire duration of the ride. This was for absolutely no reason, as I was barely sipping my Propel Fitness Water: Peach. I was also listening to Dane Cook, so the jocular gyrations of my tummy box was not helping the situation one durn bit. At one point the urge to egest the fiery contents of that disobediant satchel of mine was so great that I became temporarily atheistic over the great pain that I was enduring. But thanks to the grace of a lone Burger King, I was relieved of that great burden. I have seen the darkness, and now I can embrace the light once again.

Amen, O my brothers and sisters.