Fight For What's Right, or FFWR.
Excuse me while I elevate myself unto this rickety, dilapidated box which is conspicuously labeled “SOAP.” There, that’s better—and soapy.
My fellow creatures known as “humans,” I regard each and every one of you in a vocal tone both severe and overly poignant in order to convey to you a sense both urgent and overly poignant. In our quest for deeper understanding of the human condition, it is both necessary and needed that we each acquire causes for which we are willing to lay down our lives to defend. To some, that cause is that of civil rights. To others, the cause is political in nature. And to others such as yours truly, undersigned, it is the use of labels to oppress. I will discuss one such infraction presently.
That thing which controls your television from a distance I do not call a “remote control.” Nay, to me it is called a “channel selector.”
I have been verbally chastised and emotionally imprisoned in what I can best call an electronic-convenience partite. All my friends call it a “remote control,” and they bespeckle me with their spittlings whenever I call it by its other name, “channel selector.” This has consistently been the case for both me and my forbears, including my grandfather. Indeed, he has been known to alternate between regarding it as a “clicker” and a “beeper.” Unfortunately, this has caused much cruelty to be delivered unto him, and wrongly so. Sure, such terms are antiquated and are now considered taboo in our modern society; however, we must celebrate each other’s differences instead of using them as an excuse to drive a wedge between us!
Only when the lines drawn between remote controls, channel selectors, clickers, and beepers become permeable will we be able to truly advance together as a civilization. Ad astra per aspera, my fellow world citizens. Ad inifitum.
Sincerely,
Erik Lee Axdahl
P.S. Next time: Finding common ground among ice boxes and refrigerators
My fellow creatures known as “humans,” I regard each and every one of you in a vocal tone both severe and overly poignant in order to convey to you a sense both urgent and overly poignant. In our quest for deeper understanding of the human condition, it is both necessary and needed that we each acquire causes for which we are willing to lay down our lives to defend. To some, that cause is that of civil rights. To others, the cause is political in nature. And to others such as yours truly, undersigned, it is the use of labels to oppress. I will discuss one such infraction presently.
That thing which controls your television from a distance I do not call a “remote control.” Nay, to me it is called a “channel selector.”
I have been verbally chastised and emotionally imprisoned in what I can best call an electronic-convenience partite. All my friends call it a “remote control,” and they bespeckle me with their spittlings whenever I call it by its other name, “channel selector.” This has consistently been the case for both me and my forbears, including my grandfather. Indeed, he has been known to alternate between regarding it as a “clicker” and a “beeper.” Unfortunately, this has caused much cruelty to be delivered unto him, and wrongly so. Sure, such terms are antiquated and are now considered taboo in our modern society; however, we must celebrate each other’s differences instead of using them as an excuse to drive a wedge between us!
Only when the lines drawn between remote controls, channel selectors, clickers, and beepers become permeable will we be able to truly advance together as a civilization. Ad astra per aspera, my fellow world citizens. Ad inifitum.
Sincerely,
Erik Lee Axdahl
P.S. Next time: Finding common ground among ice boxes and refrigerators
"ma'am"
2 Comments:
i respect your right to call it a 'channel selector'. even though that cariies one more syllable than 'remote control', even though that little device does so much more than 'select channels', even though doing so makes you part of the problem rather than part of the solution (i dont know what that means exactly but ive always wanted to use that phrase and im sure in some way or another it is relevant here), i respect your right to call it whatever the hell you want. after all, i refer to it as "the 'mote"
peace brother
I can relate except for the fact you're talking about television. Given the hawaiian and mexican background I use all sorts vocabulary that cause me to be ridiculed. And what about laundry detergent and washing powder? Does it really make that big a difference?
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