Seditentuatary

Now Mom, I am keenly aware that your only boy is the most handsome person in the world. That goes without saying, of course. However, he does need some exercise.

I lead a largely...oh...sedimentary lifestyle. I mean that specifically in the sense of sediment accumulation turning me into a rock. Now when I say "rock," I don't mean for you to conjour an image of a hard rock, one that has firm abs and a chiseled physique. Instead, it would be more fitting to picture a lava flow rolling down an incline, solidifying into odd shapes and dispatching squirrels and Bambies in the process.

Of course, I speak in the relative sense. Please allow me to explain.

Up until this previous year of college, I was blessed with a No-Work Required body that was lean and would promt questions as to what I do to work out.

"*chortle* Exercise? Why, I do nothing of the sort! This is my natural, classical, symmetric body! Now if you will excuse me, my father Zeus wishes me to return to Mount Olympus! *disappears in lightning flash*"

Indeed, if I ever did get any fat, it would deposit itself strategically as to appear to be muscle.

This year, however, was different. My plateau weight of 135 pounds (for a 5'10'' frame) suddenly jumped to 145 without warning.

"That's odd...I don't remember eating a 10-lb dinner. It must be all these clothes I'm wearing. *steps off scale, naked*"

Compound this sudden weight gain with a major that requires holding still for extended periods at a time while staring at feature-length equations and a full time job during the summer that requires sitting in front of a computer for eight hours while running scripts (*pushes nonexistant glasses up nose*), and it should come to no suprise that I might just be a tad out of shape.

So starting today I'm going to convert back to the way of the healthy. This morning, instead of buying an Orange Fanta from the breakroom, I bought an Orange Juice. It was a rude awakening, as Tropicana isn't exactly my favorite brand of the aformentioned libation. In fact, my reaction as I downed the stuff could best be compared to that of a pale, bald, pointy-eared, thin-framed Dracula who hisses at the sight water.

(Vampires don't like water, right? Or am I thinking of witches? Or is it just the Wicked Witch of the West? I hope the witches aren't offended at my generalization.)

I'll also try to get back into the habit of push-ups and sit-ups, a practice that I took up and abandoned one summer. The routine was going very well (adding 10 situps and 5 push-ups to the previous day's total) until I got my wisdom teeth out and discovered Codeine.

"Hmmm...I could exercise, be healthy, and hang out with friends. But...just sitting here seems to be a much better idea because wow, man, that wall...is just so deep."