Send via SMS

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Trailers

I love inter-tubing. I love riding in a fast boat. I like putting my hand in the water as a boat is moving and watch the consequent wake or spritz.

I hate boats when I'm on the road, namely their trailers.

I was in heavy traffic on the interstate while trying to make my 4th of July Weekend Pilgrimage to my hometown of Duluth. I'd like to attribute the delay to record-breaking traffic on a popular vacation weekend, but as we all know, Minnesota has recently had its state government shut down by our friendly neighborhood state legislators. Therefore, I'd imagine that the slow-down in traffic was caused by a post-apocalyptic roadside scuffle over a box of mint-condition Ho-Ho's. At least, that's where my imagination lead me while I was stuck behind a boat trailer. Greetings from the Great Anarchy State of Minnesota!

I studied the paint chippings on the boat's propeller edges, imagining the cavitation bubbles that were formed by the propeller while it was in use. I saw in my mind's eye the implosion of the bubbles causing delicate paint to erode off of the propeller. Then I castigated myself for "thinking about such things, you nerd." Then I thought about how castigation sounds like something that a eunich does, and I laughed. Oh how I laughed. Stop looking at me, Geo Metro!

As my car was only doing 10 miles-per-hour, I figured it would be okay if I took a quick nap and let the car drive itself. I woke up 20-minutes later to the sound of screaming. I looked around and I was in someone's living room. Whoops! Sorry about that. I proceeded to back out of the convenient car-shaped hole in the side of the house.

Once I got past the bottleneck, a merging area where I-35E and I-35W combine back into I-35, the delays still didn't end. I outright blame our trailer-laden traffic overlords, whose driving capabilities tend to remind me of a mix between a seizure and mental manchild. Let me outline their thought process:

"Oh no, my shadow! *spooked* I'd better slow down to 10 m.p.h. for no good reason. la la la. I like cupcakes. Whew, that was a close one. Now I will speed up very slowly, and I'd better not forget to drool while doing it! D-D-DORITOS! Oh no, my shadow! *spooked* I'd better slow down to..."

Ifinallygottoduluthateightthirtytheend.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home


The views and opinions expressed in this page are strictly those of the page author.
The contents of this page have not been reviewed or approved by the University of Minnesota.