The state of my home

This morning I awoke with the urge to use the bathroom. So I rolled off of my air mattress, put some slippers on my feet, and walked to the bathroom. Someone was using it, so I waited.

After a couple of minutes, a disgusting creature emerged. It was no taller than 3' and was pigmented a vile shade of green-brown. Small arms dangled limp at its sides, and it grinned at me with a disproportionate smile 1/3 the size of its head. The teeth in its mouth were rotting chiclets interspersed at random intervals along the beast's black gums.

I choked, "Excuse me, have we met?"

It replied in a gruff, cockney accent.

"Allo ther, mate! I don' believe we 'ave! The name's Tuberculosis." It took a disgusting bow, tumbling it's right hand in the air in an unendearing display of showmanship. "Your roomies invited me over by not cleanin' up they'selves and by leavin' their dishes unwashed. Dey acquiesced to me self-invitation by leavin' out beer bottles from last week's party. Why, they welcomed me with sweaty, lazy arms!"

Unsurprised, I replied, "Well welcome, Turbey. Mind if I call you that? Chris and I are moving out of this house in a month, so afterwards I'm sure you can stay in our room if you like. Just stay out of my way in the meantime and we'll get along just fine."

I then proceeded to use the bathroom and flush the toilet sanitarily by kicking the handle.

THE MORAL: Damn the messiness of our roommates.