Everyone come to my rainbow party (7 p.m.)!
Normally I wouldn't engage in the otherwise pointless endeavor of defending my generation, but if I didn't I would be relegated to simply talking about the weather (today: typhoon).
There's currently an electric buzz circulating around would-be well-intentioned parents and socially conservative indivduals about the supposed phenomenon known as the "rainbow party." For those of you who aren't lucky enough to have encountered the news: 12-13 year old girls around the country, like an epidemic, are organizing parties where each girl wears a different colored lipstick, engaging in a competition where the "divining rods" of a clutch of invited boys are "attended to," leaving rainbow-esque rings of color on each boy's member when all is said and done. Of course, not a lick of this is true--no pun intended--but that doesn't stop this un-truth from spreading faster than a cupcake through Rush Limbaugh's digestive tract.
Honestly, the scorn served upon a generation by its predecessors is nothing new. After all, not long ago it was considered to be a grevious taboo for a woman to bathe in anthing less than a dress. The generation of the toke'in 60's was undoubtedly bemoaned as the end of civilization by our grand- and greatgrand- parents, and yet it is these people who are driving our high-powered society. Normally anothing more than an apathetic yawn in response to such castigation by the "higher-ups" would be affording the topic much more attention than it deserves. However, there is a certain sickness in suggesting that 12-13 year olds, suddenly and in droves, are replacing after-school Power Rangers (or the modern equivalent) with after-school suck-fests.
"But Spaceman Axdahl, sir, I humbly submit the observation that girls are showing their clevage, a decidedly slutty display," says the nut who doesn't know an urban legend from a fact.
I respond, "No one calls your wife a slut when she goes to a fancy party in a tight dress, so no one should call that girl over there a whore for showing 1'' of her boob crack. Don't belittle your and my intelligence by bringing up that red herring again."
Granted, there probably are 12-13 year old girls who have had sex. I'm sure there are 12-13 year olds who have had group sex. Surprise, surprise. Such activity has occured in every generation back to the Greeks of millenia-past. The only difference with the kids of today is that they get the honor of being painted by yellow journalism. Pre-adolescent sex is only widespread in the sense that there's probably enough sexually-active youngins where you could hold a small convention if you put them all in the same room.
Guess what? I've also never been asked to play snap during my entire school career. Neither has anyone else, save for maybe one or two in the world. There's another urban legend that has faded from public memory, but has still done the deed in chinking the rusty armor of today's youth.
The Pledge of Allegiance will not be replaced by the Pledge of Auparishtaka any time soon--or ever.
"But Oprah..."
"...is an idiot."
There's much more to say, but I'm done.
There's currently an electric buzz circulating around would-be well-intentioned parents and socially conservative indivduals about the supposed phenomenon known as the "rainbow party." For those of you who aren't lucky enough to have encountered the news: 12-13 year old girls around the country, like an epidemic, are organizing parties where each girl wears a different colored lipstick, engaging in a competition where the "divining rods" of a clutch of invited boys are "attended to," leaving rainbow-esque rings of color on each boy's member when all is said and done. Of course, not a lick of this is true--no pun intended--but that doesn't stop this un-truth from spreading faster than a cupcake through Rush Limbaugh's digestive tract.
Honestly, the scorn served upon a generation by its predecessors is nothing new. After all, not long ago it was considered to be a grevious taboo for a woman to bathe in anthing less than a dress. The generation of the toke'in 60's was undoubtedly bemoaned as the end of civilization by our grand- and greatgrand- parents, and yet it is these people who are driving our high-powered society. Normally anothing more than an apathetic yawn in response to such castigation by the "higher-ups" would be affording the topic much more attention than it deserves. However, there is a certain sickness in suggesting that 12-13 year olds, suddenly and in droves, are replacing after-school Power Rangers (or the modern equivalent) with after-school suck-fests.
"But Spaceman Axdahl, sir, I humbly submit the observation that girls are showing their clevage, a decidedly slutty display," says the nut who doesn't know an urban legend from a fact.
I respond, "No one calls your wife a slut when she goes to a fancy party in a tight dress, so no one should call that girl over there a whore for showing 1'' of her boob crack. Don't belittle your and my intelligence by bringing up that red herring again."
Granted, there probably are 12-13 year old girls who have had sex. I'm sure there are 12-13 year olds who have had group sex. Surprise, surprise. Such activity has occured in every generation back to the Greeks of millenia-past. The only difference with the kids of today is that they get the honor of being painted by yellow journalism. Pre-adolescent sex is only widespread in the sense that there's probably enough sexually-active youngins where you could hold a small convention if you put them all in the same room.
Guess what? I've also never been asked to play snap during my entire school career. Neither has anyone else, save for maybe one or two in the world. There's another urban legend that has faded from public memory, but has still done the deed in chinking the rusty armor of today's youth.
The Pledge of Allegiance will not be replaced by the Pledge of Auparishtaka any time soon--or ever.
"But Oprah..."
"...is an idiot."
There's much more to say, but I'm done.
"ma'am"
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