1. Romantic love is a cultural invention, not a natural phenomenon.
2. Our loving relationships improve as we become more autonomous.
3. Love is best when it
arises from free
choice rather than
from preconceived
patterns, expectations, & obligations.
4. When the purpose of
love is the satisfaction
of pre-existing needs,
our relationships
are prone to possessiveness, using, & jealousy.
5. Jealousy is a
learned emotion
(based on comparison,
competition, & the
fear of being replaced), but we can
transcend it by becoming
more Authentic (singular, irreplaceable).
6. If everyone involved
becomes immune
to jealousy,
we can become open
to loving more than one person.
7. Our imprinted sexual responses deeply affect our relationships.
8. We will love better if we revise our original gender-personalities.
9. Having children should be a choice rather than an assumption.
10. It is possible to have wonderful loving relationships without getting married.
11. Some relationships are improved if the lovers do not live together.
12. Relationship journals can improve communication.
13. Love will be
liberated if we transcend
existential loneliness and depression.
Each
of these 13 themes
is discussed in a chapter of
New
Ways of Loving: How Authenticity Transforms Relationships
by James Park.
If you click the above title,
you will open the following information
about the book:
A brief history of this book on love.
The list of the 13 chapters of the book,
which can lead you to the first pages
of each chapter.
The same 13 new ways of
loving will be
the sub-divisions of this class:
When
your questions
or comments relate to more than one theme,
please sub-divide them so they
can easily be organized
according to the 13 'sessions' of this
class.
Session
1 Romantic Love is a Hoax!
Emotional
Programming to 'Fall in Love'.
What is romantic love? Where did it come
from?
Where does it go? Is it a fantasy that
does more harm
than good?
Resources:
1. Romantic Love Bibliography—The Best Critical Books .
2. The
Romantic Love Test: How Do We Know If We Are in Love?
This test includes what is perhaps the
first explicit definition of romantic love
—in
the form of 26 defining features of the phenomenon: the A-Z of romance.
3. Outline of a presentation on The Romantic Love Test .
4. Outline of a presentation unpacking the dynamics of romantic love .
5. The first page of
Chapter 1 of New
Ways of Loving:
"Romantic
Love is a Hoax! Emotional Programming to 'Fall in Love' "
.
6. A three-page on-line
article summarizing
this theme:
Romantic
Love is a Hoax! Emotional Programming to 'Fall in Love'
Session
2 Loving from Authenticity.
Moving from conformity toward greater
Authenticity.
The impact of Authentic Existence on
loving relationships,
which is the theme of this whole course.
Resources:
1. Authenticity Bibliography .
2. Outline of a
presentation entitled
"Becoming
More Authentic: The Positive Side of Existentialism"
3. Course description
for another course
called
"Becoming
More Authentic: The Positive Side of Existentialism"
4. Authenticity Test
(embedded in the
first two chapters of
Becoming More Authentic: The Positive
Side of Existentialism
by James Park, next item).
5. The table of
contents of Becoming
More Authentic,
which will lead you to the first pages
of several chapters of that book.
6. The first pages of
Chapter 2 of New
Ways of Loving:
"Loving
from Authenticity"
.
7. A three-page online
article on the theme of Authenticity:
Becoming More
Authentic: The Positive Side of Existentialism
.
Session
3 Loving in Freedom:
Choice
& Flexibility instead of
Security
& Obligation.
Are freedom and commitment necessarily
at odds?
To what degree have we used love as
a means of security?
What part does duty and obligation
play in our relationships?
Resources:
1. The first pages of
Chapter 3 of New
Ways of Loving:
"Loving
in Freedom: Choice & Flexibility instead of Security &
Obligation"
.
2. A cyber-sermon based
on this chapter:
Loving in
Freedom .
Session
4 Loving without Needing:
Seven
Pre-Existing Needs
and
How to Transcend Them.
Is love always based on pre-existing
needs?
Can we satisfy our own needs instead
of using others?
What needs are people usually trying
to fulfill in their relationships?
Might we be able to transcend our prior
needs?
Is it possible to love without clinging?
Resources:
1. Outline for a presentation on prior needs as a basis for love .
2. Outline for a
presentation called
"Loving
More Authentically: Becoming Less Dependent in 21 Ways"
.
3. A small book
exploring all forms of
dependency:
Growing
in Love: 21 Ways to Become Less
Dependent & More Authentic
.
4. The first pages of
Chapter 4 of New
Ways of Loving:
"Loving
without Needing: Seven Pre-Existing Needs and How to Transcend Them"
Session
5 Loving without Jealousy:
As
We Become More Authentic,
Jealousy
Disappears.
How natural is the feeling of jealousy?
What are the root causes of jealousy?
Does becoming more Authentic move us
beyond the fear of being replaced?
Resources:
2. Outline of a presentation called "Romantic Jealousy: Cause and Prevention" .
3. The first pages of
Chapter 5 of New
Ways of Loving:
"Loving
without Jealousy: As We Become More Authentic, Jealousy Disappears"
.
4. A three-page on-line
article on jealousy:
Romantic
Jealousy: Cause and Prevention
.
Session
6 Multiple Loving:
Open
Relationships Beyond Jealousy.
For most people open relationships lead
to jealousy.
But if we have become immune to
jealousy,
what do we think and feel about loving
more than one person at a time?
Resources:
1. Multiple Loving Bibliography .
2. The first pages of
Chapter 6 of New
Ways of Loving:
"Multiple
Loving: Open Relationships Beyond Jealousy"
.
Session
7 Loving Beyond Sex:
Transcending
Our Imprinted Sex-Scripts.
Where did our sexual fantasies come from?
How have our imprinted responses affected
our relationships?
In what ways does sex help and hinder
loving relationships?
Resources:
1. The Sex-Script Hypothesis—The Best Books .
2. Imprinted Sexual Fantasies:3. Outline of a
presentation entitled
"The
Sex-Script Hypothesis: Imprinted Sexual Fantasies"
.
4. Outline for a
presentation entitled
"Variations
of Sex and Gender: Six Phenomena Frequently Confused"
.
5. The first pages of
Chapter 7 of New
Ways of Loving:
"Loving
Beyond Sex: Transcending Our Imprinted Sex-Scripts"
.
6. A cyber-sermon
explaining
the concept of sex-scripts:
Sources
of Sexual Fantasies
.
Session
8 Masculinity/Femininity:
Loving
Beyond Our Gender-Personalities.
What should we do about our original
gender-personalities?
Resources:
2. Outline of a presentation exploring the dynamics of gender .
3. The first pages of
Chapter 8 of New
Ways of Loving:
"Masculinity/Femininity:
Loving Beyond Our Gender-Personalities"
.
Session
9 Birth Planning.
We now have the power to control our
reproduction.
What are our basic reasons for
and against having (more) children?
What part should reason
play in
human reproduction?
Resources:
1. The Decision to Have Children—The Best Books .
2. The first pages of
Chapter 9 of New
Ways of Loving:
"Why
Have (More) Children?"
. The first page lists
about 30 reasons for
having children
and about 10 reasons against.
Session
10 Loving without Marrying.
Do we decide to get married or
do we just assume it?
Twelve common causes of wedlock.
What is the future of marriage in our
culture?
The pros and cons of the married life-style.
Resources:
1. Traditional Marriage—Best Critical Books .
2. Best Books on Relationship Contracts .
3. Designer Marriage:
Write Your Own
Relationship Contract.
This is a book-in-process by James Park.
Currently available:
Outline
for Designer Marriage
,
which includes the 28 basic Questions
(and a few additional sub-questions)
that should be answered by anyone creating
a relationship contract.
4. Outline of a presentation on relationship contracts .
5. The first pages of
Chapter 10 of New
Ways of Loving:
"Loving
without Marrying"
.
Session
11 Living in Separate Households.
Are relationships sometimes improved
when the loving people do not live
together?
Resource:
1. The first pages of
Chapter 11 of New
Ways of Loving:
"Living
in Separate Households"
.
Resource:
1. All four pages of
Chapter 12 from New
Ways of Loving:
"Keeping
Relationship Journals"
.
Session
13 Loving in Existential Freedom.
Becoming more Authentic profoundly affects
loving relationships.
But a special form of Authenticity goes
beyond that:
freedom from our Existential Predicament—"Existential
Freedom".
When we are released from our inner loneliness,
insecurity, & depression,
we are empowered to love better than
ever.
Resources:
1. Books on Existential Spirituality .
2. Our Existential
Predicament:
Loneliness,
Depression, Anxiety, & Death by
James Park.
This book is the most comprehensive exploration
of our Existential Malaise
and its solution. Parts available on
the internet:
Outline
of Our Existential Predicament
.
This outline will lead you to additional
information,
including the first pages of each of 13
chapters.
3. Outline of a
presentation entitled
"Introducing
Existential Spirituality"
.
4. Outline of a
presentation entitled
"Our
Existential Predicament and its Solution"
.
5. Outline of a
presentation entitled
"Loneliness
of Spirit: Deeper than the Reach of Love"
.
6. A cyber-sermon
exploring
different kinds of loneliness:
Loneliness
of Spirit: Deeper than the Reach of Love
.
7. Outline of a
presentation entitled
"Existential
Guilt: Deeper than Morality"
.
8. Outline of a
presentation entitled
"Existential
Anxiety: Angst: Being Afraid of the Nothing"
.
9. Outline of a
presentation entitled
"Being
Depressed in Spirit: Deeper than Psychological Depression"
.
10. A three-page online
article distinguishing
different kinds of depression:
Being
Depressed in Spirit: Deeper than Psychological Depression
.
11. Outline of a
presentation entitled
"An
Existential Understanding of Death:
A
Phenomenology of Ontological Anxiety"
.
12. First pages of
Chapter 13 of New
Ways of Loving:
"Loving
in Existential Freedom"
.
James Park is the facilitator
of this Internet class.
He is an existential philosopher and
author of New Ways of Loving.
Anyone may join the dialog at any time.
Send your comments and questions to James
Park:
PARKx032@TC.UMN.EDU
He will respond to all communications.
Some questions and his replies
will be selected to be posted along with
this course description.
These questions and answers will constitute
the dialog portion
of each of the above-described 13 'sessions'.
Pass
the word to other
Internet friends
who might be interested in exploring
new
ways of loving.
Return to the LOVE page.
Return to the beginning
of this home page:
An
Existential Philosopher's Museum